Howdy neighbors - looks like I'm moving in!

[AverageJoe]

Just had an alien-free encounter with WAW! Geez, it was as if she were semi-normal.

We actually talked, had a few tears, and shared some feelings. Got a VERY interesting comment from her. She says she gets tired of hanging onto my rollercoaster!

WHAT?!?!?

My rollercoaster? The way she explained it was that when she gets too friendly with me she sees me get hopeful. That causes her pain because she "knows" she's not coming back. So she backs off and becomes distant to lessen my expectations, and that causes me to get depressed. She said she's not ever sure what to do.

Damn woman....that's the most sense you've made in 6 monthes. I can actually see that!

Funny how we each saw our separate sitches as if we were hanging onto the back of the other's rollercoaster. We damned near had a laugh over that!

She just left, and for the first time since she moved out....she asked me to stand up and hug her goodbye!

Have I told ya'll today that I love her?

[AverageJoe]

Oh, there was one alien-esque, somewhat bizarre moment.

Last weekend I had taken all of her remaining things out of our bedroom. The rest of her clothes, shoes, some old stuffed animals, and couple keepsakes from atop the dresser...bagged then up and put them in a back room we use for storage.

She walks by our bedroom this evening and notices that none her stuff is in there any more. She comes in the TV room and says, "I see you've taken all my stuff out of "your" room. What....are you finally ready to get rid of me?".

WTF?

Honey, you moved out over 6 monthes ago, and constantly remind me that you're never coming back. Yeah, I'm getting rid of you!

*roll eyes*

Pffftt! Aliens!

[whatisis]

Yup, they can say the most inane things, AJ. Mine told me that she didn't like the word affair because it made it sound so cheap! Duh!!!!Maybe that's cuz it is!She once cried in my arms and told me how confused she was and at a later date stated she was sorry that I thought she was confused because she never was! OK.
It's great to be able to laugh at it all sometimes. I have a collection of the all stupidest things a spouse has ever said about the A. I cut and paste them from this BB. When I'm down I take it out, have a read and laugh out loud! There are some real gems in that collection, let me tell you. Here's one "I talked with God and he says the A is OK" Keeping a sense of humour will help see you through this. Keep us posted.

[AverageJoe]

She once cried in my arms and told me how confused she was...

Isn't it funny how a moment like that ^ can make you feel so close to them? Then within 24 hours they do or say something that makes you almost wish you had never met them.

[peter2DB]

AverageJoe:

Welcome to the wonderful world of MLC. Just wanted to say hello and, like the others, tell you to fasten the seat belt and hold on to the rail.

You talk about the "script" - my sitch is running line by line to it also. For each of your own examples I could give you a virtually identical one, just change the name and place.

The downside is, that you can be pretty certain this is going to take a long time to resolve and will require every fibre of your being and soul, plus a few fibres more when you're totally spent and exhausted and "can't go on" any more.

The upside is that you can rest assured this has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. Be calm in that knowledge when the accusations and excuses are flying. And it offers you a life-transforming opportunity to take a good hard look at yourself and to open up new paths of self-realisation.

You'll get to like your fellow-travellers here in the MLC boards - a wry and witty crew with huge knowledge and compassion. They've helped me profoundly, rescued me in fact.

Welcome aboard.Peter

[nodivorceplease]

Aj-

My H did a similiar thing. He moved out several months ago and reminds me often that he is never coming back. Well, he still has clothes in the closet and other personal things here so I finally asked him if he would like to take them to his apartment. He got all defensive and acted like he couldn't understand why I would ask him to do that. WTF?? Does it make him feel better to have things still here? All of our WAS's basically do and say the same things. It's really pretty crazy.

Shelly

[AverageJoe]

The more I think about last nigh't encounter, the more I realize just how weird this whole thing is getting. From day to day, hour to hour, I don't know what I'm going to get. Major mood swings!

Yesterday morning I got snippy and cold and argumentative. Last night I got open and honest and vulnerable.

This has turned out to not only feel like a rollercoaster, but one of those indoor coasters where you're in the dark. Not only do you get the huge ups and downs, but you never see them coming.

[whatisis]

Absolutely right, AJ. Your moods can flip just like that. It's what stress does to you. That's why you take care of you as best you can, that is the best prescription for dealing with these sitch's. I know I've flown off the handle at some stupid little thing, usually because I'm tired, so now I watch what interactions I get into with her when I'm tired. Extra care at those times. You are right, rollercoaster is the right description. My W often gives me the most encouraging signs and then tells me she's going away with OP for a weekend. Yup, rollercoaster!

[AverageJoe]

I'm scheduled to see my Family Doc for a physical tomorrow morning. I think I will take my SIL's advise and ask for a mild anti-depresant.

Hopefully that will provide relief!

[AverageJoe]

.....we're over-turning the ruling on the field!

It appears that AJ was not in possesion of his DB skills over the last couple of monthes, therefore the game clock will be reset and the ball put back in play!


It seems that I have been mopey, depressed, moody...and spent too much time reacting to WAW. I had stopped the key elements of DB, namely GAL, PMA, 180s and detachment. I was allowing her to control me. I stopped focusing on me, and spent waaaay too much energy focusing on her and our sitch.

Time to go back and get a refresher course! I will start over tomorrow with a clean slate, and a new resolve to get back on the DB strategy.