I am going to try and take a stab at your cake-eating question. IF you feel like a doormat then set your own boundaries. You can catch more flies with sugar then vinegar. The goal is to regain her trust and become her friend. I personally found that being nice to my H was much better all around. There will be times when she will bait you into a fight just to see if you are "real" but don't fall for it and keep being the kind loving Husband. She needs to know that you are there for her even if she is acting like a stupid teenager at times. She will keep looking back to make sure you are there. It is not for you to punish her or make her feel bad. This will take every single ounce of self control you can muster. You are her Husband not her Daddy. Unfortunately at this time you need to give her all of the freedom she can choke on and let her figure things out for herself. Hang in there, it is a long, hard journey but you will get to the other end.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
I'm getting by. I tell you...just knowing what I'm dealing with makes it much more bearable. Still sucks, but it's bearable. I guess it beats sucking AND making no sense!
Me - 47
WAW - 41
Married - 9-14-85
Kids - D14 and D12
Bomb - 1-19-06
W moved out - 5-29-06
Exactly.. alot of this mimics certain mental illness issues that I have in my sitch btw.. so yes... they dont get it.. but we sure as hell do !.. and that helps us tremendously ! Tom
Sorry to welcome you here, but glad you found help. Yes, by the time most people find this place their alien is already deep in the replay tunnel.
Cake eating. Always different. If cake eating means they want a night out with the OM and then come home to your loving arms the next night, stop baking.
If it means I would appreciate it if you would come help me fix something and you get a thank you after, like any two friends might do, don't feel too abused. If you want her to feel it is safe to return one day and you were her friend through the whole thing, it gives you points. If you decide she is not thankful and the points are being deleted, quit baking.
Best answer you could have gotten Joe. That is it exactly. Welcome, and sorry you are here with us. It does help to know that lots of people are in this situation. It does help you deal with the pain. It does support you while you stand. Normal DB does not work here, at least in an immediate results sort of way. MLC work is scoring point when you never see the score board, and will not get any idea of how the game is being played until you are up to your eyeballs in scrapes and bang ups. So DB all the time, but do not expect to see the results of your work. You will hear about it at a much later date. HOlly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
Well, I guess I already knew that because I'm doing it now. Yet another example of her calling me only when she needs something.....
A call comes in last night from WAW. D14 answers, says hello, then brings the phone to me saying W needs to talk to me. WAW askes if I can come get her. She's at Dayton airport (45 min to an hour away) and has left her keys at SIL's house. WAW had flown to Florida to visit SIL 4 days earlier. A cousin had her keys, but wouldn't be in until tomorrow.
Not at all surprisng that WAW had issues with keys. That's her "thing". A dozen or so times over the years I've had to rescue her because of keys.
As soon as she asked me I swear I had one of those "Angel vs. Devil" moments. The Devil on one shoulder whispered to me, "Screw that bitch. Tell her to go pound salt. Better yet, tell her to call one of her internet dates to come rescue her!".
After about a 10 second pause I said, "OK"
So I drive to Dayton Airport. I find her out the terminal, wearing only a light jacket. It's in the 20s outside! I get her in my car and drive her over to parking. Gave her my spare key to her car. On the drive over she askes if she can sleep at the house. Her apartment keys are also in Florida.
She had thanked me a couple times on the drive over to her car. I couldn't even muster a "You're Welcome". I think I said OK. I was still pretty pissed!
I get home...she arrives a couple minutes later. By now it's after 11 pm. She prepares to sleep on the couch in the TV room. I went to walk in to say good night, and I'm met with a scream, and her spinning her back to me because she was taking her bra off. Ya know....that's one of the most bizare things of all. I've been with her for 23 years, and for the last 6 monthes she acts as if I'm a total stranger when it comes to seeing her naked. Geez, what's up with that?
Anyway, she settles in on the couch. She had one little lap blanket over her. I asked that would be enough. She said she thought all the rest of the spare blankets were at her apartment. I went and dug out a sleep bag, opened it up, brought it to her, and covered her up. She said, "Ha, you're funny!". I answered, "No, I'm sweet!".
She's in the shower now (6 am) getting ready for work. I guess time will tell if she remembers this someday!
I doubt she has any idea how much I love her!
Last edited by AverageJoe; 12/04/0610:03 AM.
Me - 47
WAW - 41
Married - 9-14-85
Kids - D14 and D12
Bomb - 1-19-06
W moved out - 5-29-06
Just got back from counseling session. If nothing else, at least he notices my changes and makes positive comments about them. My MLC alien only has snippy comment for me! "You never did THAT when we were together!", "OK, when are gonna stop losing weight?", "You stopped drinking and now you are obsessed with healthy food....you've traded one obsession for another!"
Bitch!
It's a good thing for her that I still love her madly, and she's real cute. Otherwise I'd probably be in prison right about now!
Me - 47
WAW - 41
Married - 9-14-85
Kids - D14 and D12
Bomb - 1-19-06
W moved out - 5-29-06
No prison talk okay ?.. Have you checked out Santhony's thread yet ?.. and W2S ?.. These guys can help you alot through the alien spewing crap that you are going through btw..
