AJ, That's the million dollar question. What it comes down to is waht you're comfotable with. I had similar concerns and felt I was being a doormat. I got a lot of great advice from the people here.
This was the advice they gave me, which really helped me... You need to determine what you will and won't put up with, adn that's your line in the sand. It took me a long time, but I came to a point where I drew my line in teh sand with H (who was trying to reconcile with me). I told him no contact with OW and no lying. He broke both of those "rules" time adn time and time again. I finally said, okay... that was my line in the sand, what am I doing? And there was my decision. Once teh line in the sand is crossed, you need to show some tough love.
Now the question is, how much are you willing to put up with? How much until you start feelng like you're losing self respect. That's the poitn I got to. Once I toldl H to leave this last time, I felt so much more self worth. YOu need to think long and hard about how much you're willing to put up with. If you feel like she's taking advantage of you, then put a stop to it. People will do what they can get away with.
