New thread, better attitude, finally cleared the air. Just got done with some long OR talks. I was sensing some repeating behaviors from the pre-bomb days so being a confrontational S.O.B. I asked her what is going on. I want her to be able to be open with me. Her comments were right on with what the wisest of DBers suggest. She admits to getting off track and seriously questioning OR but claims to have seen the light and now realizes that our M is what she wants. She said that I need to put it behind me like she did with my behavior. Neither of us can go back to the way it was and agreed to work very hard to maintain our changes. By the way I have heard ILY several times in the past weeks. These OR talks put me over the top. I always am far too open and honest with her regarding my feelings but that is how I am built. She is polar opposite and that is why we don't communicate very well. Luckily we have an effect on each other and make each other better people simply by melding our behaviors. It feels good to get this off of my chest finally. I still have a lot of work to do on me but now I feel I can better focus on that. She seems to be working on herself as well so I see very good things in our future. We have the world by the tail but were our own worst enemies. We are now starting to truly pull together so the pull will be easier.
I will still linger here and jump in where I can provide help but my wounds are still fresh so I can't take too much of this BB at one time. I realize I went at this whole process far too head on but I was tired of dancing. It felt like I was "acting" my way through my M at a time when we can be more genuine to each other.
We are having a huge party on Saturday for about 150 people and have been burning the candle at both ends to get ready. That has been a little tough on the R but at least we work well together. We love to entertain and have a lot of fun friends. We are praying for good weather so we can do some outside activities. The basement is now finished and turned out far better than expected. Of course we spent more money than we expected too. Our friends and her MIL are still living with us until their house is finished (1 more month). They are phenomonal house guests and very helpful but it will be nice to have our home back to ourselves. You can now see what a crazy life I lead and why this BB has not been a priority. I may have to change my name to "the lurker". Good luck to everyone and I will be watching the action from a distance.
