Just an update. My W confronted me again about the OW I've been seen with. I told her they are friends and that I have many new friends, both Male and Female. I have been going out with a few different Woman. Two of them, Hope and Faith are ones I spend a lot of time with. She made a smart comment saying, " wouldn't that be special if you could find a Charity to date"? It never clicked with me, but I had to laugh at her comment. She wasn't amused. I can't understand why her friends have the need to tell her about every run in they have with me in public. They know every detail down to the name of the op. I guess they feel it's their duty to tell her what I'm up to. They all know that She's the one who chooses not to work on this marriage. She continues to refuse counseling. I don't believe she's told them about OM though. She loves to feel like a victim, but it will all come out in the end so it really doesn't bother me that much.
I told her that it really isn't about OW/OM or new friends any more, that it was about me having the "right" to move on with my life as I see fit. I told her that it's not justifiable for me to wait on getting on with my life, because she was waiting on her OM to get paroled. I told her that her OM doesn't influence my actions. She did not seem happy with this response and denied she was waiting, but she really wasn't willing to defend that position, so I'm sure She's lying about her feelings again. I think in the back of her mind, she feels I should wait until her OM is out of jail before I start moving on with my life. She wants me around as an emotional blanket for the time being. I told her 17 months of her emotional absence was enough time for me to make my decision to move on. I told her if she wants to go to counseling in the future and try to reconcile, to let me know, but that in the meantime, I was going to start enjoying my life again.
I'm getting pretty good at understanding her language and the more and more I interpret what She's telling me, the more and more annoyed it makes me. She's so selfish. It's really becoming a very unattractive quality about her and I think it's starting to make me loose total interest in her. My will to consider reconciliation is deteriorating as more time passes. I think at this point, my kids are the only reason for me to consider it again and I'm told that's not a valid reason. I just don't know if that real love we once had for each other can be rekindled. We use to be so connected and emotionally deep with one another and now we seem as though we are strangers. How does it go from one extreme to another like that?
They say the longer your apart, the less likely it is that you will reconcile and I'm really starting to believe that. I think there comes a point where the LBS is done with the whole situation.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
