It means that she is projecting her problems on you, inorder to deal with it herself...just ignore it.
See what detaching does? A little while ago, you were throwing in the towel...now, when you give up, let go, things begin to change...women don't like to see our men walk away...
Just an update. My W confronted me again about the OW I've been seen with. I told her they are friends and that I have many new friends, both Male and Female. I have been going out with a few different Woman. Two of them, Hope and Faith are ones I spend a lot of time with. She made a smart comment saying, " wouldn't that be special if you could find a Charity to date"? It never clicked with me, but I had to laugh at her comment. She wasn't amused. I can't understand why her friends have the need to tell her about every run in they have with me in public. They know every detail down to the name of the op. I guess they feel it's their duty to tell her what I'm up to. They all know that She's the one who chooses not to work on this marriage. She continues to refuse counseling. I don't believe she's told them about OM though. She loves to feel like a victim, but it will all come out in the end so it really doesn't bother me that much.
I told her that it really isn't about OW/OM or new friends any more, that it was about me having the "right" to move on with my life as I see fit. I told her that it's not justifiable for me to wait on getting on with my life, because she was waiting on her OM to get paroled. I told her that her OM doesn't influence my actions. She did not seem happy with this response and denied she was waiting, but she really wasn't willing to defend that position, so I'm sure She's lying about her feelings again. I think in the back of her mind, she feels I should wait until her OM is out of jail before I start moving on with my life. She wants me around as an emotional blanket for the time being. I told her 17 months of her emotional absence was enough time for me to make my decision to move on. I told her if she wants to go to counseling in the future and try to reconcile, to let me know, but that in the meantime, I was going to start enjoying my life again.
I'm getting pretty good at understanding her language and the more and more I interpret what She's telling me, the more and more annoyed it makes me. She's so selfish. It's really becoming a very unattractive quality about her and I think it's starting to make me loose total interest in her. My will to consider reconciliation is deteriorating as more time passes. I think at this point, my kids are the only reason for me to consider it again and I'm told that's not a valid reason. I just don't know if that real love we once had for each other can be rekindled. We use to be so connected and emotionally deep with one another and now we seem as though we are strangers. How does it go from one extreme to another like that?
They say the longer your apart, the less likely it is that you will reconcile and I'm really starting to believe that. I think there comes a point where the LBS is done with the whole situation.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
My WAW has been recently sending me emails over the past couple of days about me with OW and how that is affecting my relationship with our S6. How I'm spending money wining and dinning them and taking it away from him. How I'm such a bad person for treating her the way I did in our M, but having all this fun with OW, how I'm spending all this time with them when I could be spending the time with our S. how I do things for them I didn't do for her, etc...
Of course, it's not the reality, but trying to convince her is futile. I really don't know what She is talking about or why. If it were true, why would she care anyway? She has her OM in prison. She's the one that constantly reminds me that "it's just not there" and no amount of counseling will bring it back and how she had to go else where to meet her needs because I wasn't doing it, etc. I mean how many times do we have to apologize for our failures in the marriage before they stop criticizing us for them?
I finally got tired of the insults and put downs and told her that if "it's just not there" as she so often reminds me, then leave me alone and stop sending me these insulting and angry emails. I told her that if She didn't want to reconcile, then we really had nothing to talk about except the boys.
The response I got back from her was "whatever" and that was it. I have not heard back from her sense.
Why does she feel a need to fabricate some exotic social life for me so she can criticize me as a Father and justify her relationship with the convict? It's just plain hurtful and wrong. I just want to move on with my life, her baggage is weighing me down!
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Why does she feel a need to fabricate some exotic social life for me so she can criticize me as a Father and justify her relationship with the convict? It's just plain hurtful and wrong. I just want to move on with my life, her baggage is weighing me down!
You have just answered yourself. She is making up things to justify what she is doing. It is to make herself look better even though she is the one walking away. No matter what you do right now, she will probably find wrong in it. That again will only be to stroke her own conscience.
Take it with a grain of salt...I am trying hard to do the very same thing with my H. It is so hard for all of us when we are degraded for things that really weren't bad enough to force them into an A.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Quote: It is so hard for all of us when we are degraded for things that really weren't bad enough to force them into an A.
I can't count the times I apologized for what would constitute an insignificant event in anybody else's book, but had a more detrimental affect on her for some reason. However, I don't remember her fussing as much over it at the time of the supposed transgression.
I mean, I had to do something right or She wouldn't have stayed with me for 10 years, wouldn't you think?
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Received a call from the waw early this morning. She apologized (gasp!) for her accusations about me and OW and how it affects my relationship with the boys. She told me she had no right to criticize me as a Father and that I was a good Father. I accepted her apology and re-affirmed my commitment to my S6 & S14.
I started to end the conversation, but she stopped me in mid-sentence with small talk. We talked about 40 minutes on everything from what our mutual friends were doing to world events. My W really loves to talk about politics. It's always been kind of boring to me and in the past I would cut her off and try to end the conversation. This time, over the phone, I listen to and commented on all her political talk. I could sense this was not so much reaching out to me as a husband as it was looking for some company to talk to. Anyway, it was a 180 for me to pay attention to her political talk. After I moved out of the house last year, I ordered Time and Newsweek magazine so that I could follow current events and politics more closely. That was one of my goals in trying to communicate with W better. I think she was real impressed with my responses and knowledge on world events.
Anyway, I'm glad she's calmed down and apologized to me. She really did push my button the other day about being a Father. I know I'm a good Father, but she still hurt my feelings about it.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
