I wanted to give an update on last night. We didn't ML, but it was a very warm and soft exchange between my W and I. We put the boys to bed and talked at the Kitchen table for several hours. We joked, laughed, teased each other a bit, and talked about our R. It wasn't "you did this or you did that" talk from her I'm use to, but rather conciliatory on her end. I can see the exhaustion and stress on her face. I have to say, she looks like she aged several years just over the last year. She's gained a little weight and it doesn't look like she's getting much sleep. I really think she's crashing/drowning and trying to find something to grab onto before sinking.
Strangely, after all she's done and said to me over the past year, I couldn't feel anything but sorrow and compassion for her. No more anger, no more anxiety, no more expectations, and no more waiting or wanting. I've never been so relaxed in the past year as I am now. I let her know that I'm OK and that if she needed to grab onto something, I was a steady object. I gave her a long hug before leaving and she had tears in her eyes. Before I got into my car to leave, I smiled and winked at her while she was looking out the door. I saw her crack a smile and blow me a kiss good-bye.
I really don't know what the future holds and I'm not anxious about it anymore. I'll embrace and enjoy life's pleasures when and where I can. Last night was pleasurable.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
