I can no longer stand for my M

[25yearsmlc]

Wow,

But for the murderer dimension, I relate to the idea of moving on and getting other needs met. I met OM last night and had a great evening and was GLAD to be there...did not miss H at all. Too much pain for too many months, about a year of DBing and 18 months of feeling like crap, so about the same time line as you. H calls and acts as if things are coming together if I join him and if I don't....well, we just don't go there. IN the meantime, too bad about whatever passion/intimacy/physical needs I might have 'cuz he is pursuing his dream blah blah blah.

BUT, the thing is, even though I GET what you are saying, your W has a couple screws loose and I wonder about the whole "in sickness and in health" vow. She may not love you the way she should/did, but she is NOT well if she is thinking of a future with a man who mIght not have one....hello?? She has romanticized their R into some sort of Romeo and Juliet story with society keeping them apart due to a small mistake on his part and if only THEY knew him the way SHE knows him, blah blah blah. I worry that if they do somehow get together, she'll be a domestic violence case down the road. I would not dream of letting my kids near him, btw....I have serious reservations about that, and him sharing her willingly with YOUR sons, "other men" etc. Guys like that are not known for being good step dads....what a gross position to be in. Don't know where that leaves you since I haven't read all your sitch. And here I am saying on one hand, your w needs help and you should wait for her to get it or help her get it, but on the other hand I'm shaking my head thinking of how fast you and your sons can escape...

I think your analysis is right on about MLC plus her fantasy life about om. BUT don't second guess your whole M. There was REAL love and there was commitment and you are both parents of two boys she loves, and you love. She knows you are a good man. Don't erase your M history b/c she is in some crisis OR has had old feelings rekindled...At least Part of the appeal of Om is a result of her MLC imho. I know I thought a LOT about an old boyfriend when H was first acting like an idiot and I went back to a HS reunion, and saw old bF. We danced and talked as if we had just gone to the prom, I don't know how but me and some friends had sort of "time warp" events where we all forgot for one evening, that 20 years had passed. Fantasized for months about a reconciliation or affair with old bf after I imagined leaving H, except I didn't do that since I woke up. But even at the time I knew I was just playing, if you know what I mean. Your wife is not capable just now of knowing what is real and what is "What if"ing about her life.
sorry you are here, but glad OM is still in jail and I wonder why they denied him parole...I'm a L and used to do some criminal law long ago. It doesn't bode well that he didn't get paroled if his original sentence is close to being up...God help her and your sons, and you.
j-