I can no longer stand for my M

[Astimegoeson]

There are probably many on here that will not agree with my decision not to "stand" anymore. I have been struggling with this decision for the last 7 months. I will have been physically separated from my W one year this Dec 25th. We have been emotionally unattached for much longer (16/17 months). All during this time, we have remained civil to each other. We are both in tune to our kids S6 & S13 and have taken special care in softening the transition for them. Although her choice to leave me for a convicted murderer is both baffling and disappointing, I can't fault her as a Mother. She is a very good Mother to our boys. If your familiar with my situation, you know my W is/has been involved in a EA for over a year at the least, but it could have been carrying on much longer. I will probably never really know how long it's been going on. She is involved with OM who is currently in prison for 2 ND degree murder. She was engaged to be married to him 15 years ago. He shot and killed a Man in a heated argument outside of a bar. That ended their engagement and future plans. Five years later, my W and I started dating and married two years later. We knew each other in high school and were very close friends, but never lovers. I was her first serious relationship in that 5 year time span since her fiance was imprisoned. She swore to me she was over him. We are currently in the process of trying to sell our house. It's been on the market since August. We are planning a final dissolution after the house sells. All other assets have already been divided between us and our finances are totally independent of one another.

I do believe my W is in a MLC, she displays all the characteristics of it. She will turn 44 years old this month. However, I do not believe MLC is only the reason for her reunion with OM. I have come to the realization that She is still in love with this OM and could have been pining for him the whole time we were married. She says she still has "feelings" for me and I do believe her when she says that, but I can't live in this OM's shadow wondering what's going to happen at his next parole hearing. I think she understands my feelings in this regard and accepts it. I told her after I found out about the affair that I won't come second to any man when it comes to my W. She told me that OM said the same thing to her. I think she is now in a very confused state of mind since om was recently turned down for parole. His next hearing isn't until 11/07. I do believe she does struggles sometimes with her decision to leave me, but she can't shake her feelings for this OM.

We have very little contact anymore these days. Mostly just contact for sake of the kids or to discuss financial matters. Occasionally, She's interested in what I'm doing and asks me, but she knows she'll get very little detail and she doesn't push it. Sometimes, I can see the sadness on her face when I'm leaving after picking up or dropping off the boys. I know she considers our past and does reflect on it. I can see the conflict going on inside of her with that look or glance she gives me. I have never pressured her to make a choice between the two of us and I don't bad mouth the OM. She knows and accepts the fact that I am not the kind of Man who is going to put life "on hold" for any significant length of time. I'm the type of individual who has always challenged the status quo and embraces change if even for the sake of change. This doesn't make me an impatient person however, I think I've been more than understanding and patient with her over the past year and a half.

For the past few months I have been dating ow with absolutely no guilt on my mind. I have enjoyed their company. I no longer intimately think of my W and the thought of her never surfaces when I'm out with ow. I'm not sure I still love her anymore. I am totally engaged and interested in ow when I'm out with them. It has been at least 17 months since I have been sexually/emotionally intimate with my W. My number 1 emotional need is and always has been intimacy. I can no longer deny myself that need. I have decided to give up on any chance of reconciliation and to pursue what makes ME happy in life.

Does this make me selfish? Am I having my own MLC now? Am I giving up to soon? I can't stand this idleness in my life any longer. I know I will need this site even as I move on because there are so many on here that understand and can relate. It helps me to make sense out of what I have been through. Any thoughts or opinions on this topic would be greatly appreciated.