Itsy, I have been following you around a bit and want to give you some cheers and hugs. Listen sweets, you are going to be up and down for a while longer. You have determination and so that is what you need. But also you have to remember that this will cycle through, maybe even for a couple more years! It will get easier and easier over time. I would say it took me 4 years. And still I have thoughts that I have to control.
You are maybe quite still depressed. I think a couple things might help. First, a book by David Burns called Feeling Good. It will help you understand the reasonableness of your thoughts. Then also, as you find a new therapist, make sure it is a clinical person who can assess whether you need meds and who can then refer you to a good shrink who can presribe the medication.
My experience was that I went without meds for two years and just could not get to the next step without them. Wanted to know how I felt without them but once I was still crying every day it was time to try something else.
Hang in there sweets, I know where you are. One day at a time.
