I've realized something new but old....

[itsy]

I am divorced now. It's okay I am fine with it. It happened time to move on.

Being one that takes awhile to understand things I've realized that since we are divorced the MLC is not over. I have been thinking that it was. I thought in my head that MLC was over with the divorce. Isn' that crazy.
I am packing up the house thinking of things that have been happening.

He is still out there on the mothership. Unbelievable.
He has our daughter as his favorite child. He takes care of her and all her needs. Our two sons are left out in the cold. The H doesn't go out of his way at all to call them or try and set up a diiner together, It was just Thanksgiving and The H went to the beach to see his, (cough cough) sorry family. He didn't even stop by on the way. He drove right by the exit to the house and didn't stop to see his youngest son. The H did invite him to the beach for a few days....but The H doesn't realize that the s22 doesn't like his family or that he had to drive 3 hours to see his dad. S22 doesn't go out of his way to see his dad and he told me that he doesn't answer when he calls the cell phone. I didn't know this. My oldest son called his sister one evening and he spoke to her about how Dad treats son 30 and son 22 compared to her. My oldest son said he let her have it, because she doesn't see what he really is like right now and how H treats 22 and himself. I guess that they see how bad their father is and he is doing it to himself. He is alienateing the boys but not the daughter. He will learn about all of this someday. I think that they do this with their children alienate them or pick a favorite.

He was and could still be a mean and nasty person like after the D was final. He was real nasty and arrogant. But I stood my ground on issues and didn't budge, In fact on somethings I was so determined to have it my way that he couldn't talk to me because I have stood up to him and he can't take it. He can't handle that he is not in charge with telling me what to do and how things are going to be done. I tell him I have to think about it and get in touch later to him. I don't call him back. His favorite line thru this MLC is I'll call you. Yep, I'll be waiting. Waiting for hell to freeze over. I have no intentions or desires to see him or talk to him. Not now, maybe in a few years but not now.

The other thing that he is doing now is coming by for the mail on a weekley basis. He never did this pre D. Waited weeks before coming by. I told my lawyer that he was not allowed in the house until I moved. That he had to stop threating me about the alimony and other settlement issues.
He gets the mail out of a truck that we own. It is always here. I put the mail and other things that he asks for in there. But I think that I am going to forget about putting it in there one day soon and let him into the house. It's all upside down with so much packed up. Let him see it this way, just because. He has also been calling more than usual. He doesn't have my new cellphone number. Hasn't asked for it and I'm not offering. I have a new phone number in the condo and that is the same. He doesn't need it I think. If he asks for it I'm not real sure what I will do. Have to wait and see if that happens.

Also, I asked him if he remembered his birthday party at S30 house last March '06 and he does not. Doesn't remmember what was said that involved him. Doesn't remmember at all. This was just Wed before Thanksgiving that I asked him. I thought that he would remmember that because he spoke to his parents, cough again, sorry let me go on.. he spoke about his issues. That's right his issues. His feeling of abandoment and how his grandfather almost let him drown off the coast of England. That his grandmother never liked him. He spoke out loud about this and his mother said to him.. don't be silly. Don't be riduclous. Great huh? His father just laughed. No wonder this man has had a MLC..his parents didn't treat him right. He has always been the caretaker in that family. Yet hates doing for his very own right now. He has taken up with his biological family so much, it's unbelieveable. These are the people that he once said to me after being with his mother,father and sister for 4 days on a trip that quote "I was the most normal person in his life" unquote. He told me stories of how they acted and behaved. He said that he wouldn't do that again. These are the people that always come to him for money and help. They always have. And now, he hates thinking about taking care of anything for his own family...hates it. Told my daughter that she didn't have to marry a man for his money. What the hell was that about. We never had a bundle of it and I never complained. Money is not my thing yet he talks to our daughter like I married him or stayed with him because of the money. ... It is crazy.

He has a "girlfriend" that lives about an hour and a half from here. We went to high school with the SKANK. She wasn't nice then and I don't think that she is now. Any way he says that they are not like that... meaning that they aren't boyfriend and girlfriend... odd he spends ever weekend in Ashburn Va at ...no I shouldn't give out say her number or name or address.. The bank statement says it all. He's there every weekend. What is up with him not being able to confirm that he has a girlfriend? I know that she exists...why does he say that about their relationship?
to protect me I really doubt it. I don't get that one at all.
He screamed to me on the phone once that I couldn't tell him who he could date. Screamed it... I just laughed. Nope just the wife here, thought that I had a say in it. Sorry I was wrong there.

Today he called . My mother answered the phone I was outside . I came in to take the call and why he needs to call I don't know why but It is about a check for alimony that I have to send back to him. I needed it for proof that every month I recieve alimony for the purchase of the condo. Why did he call about it. I am sending it back to him. To this house...laugh. He wanted me to put in the weekley mail sack. Why did he call today?

I have not seen him since September for a brief time. I haven't asked about him since before that time. I did call last week the day before thanksgiving and wished him a happy one that I knew it was his favorite holiday. We had a nice chat but nothing personal for him or me.

I don't see him waking up or walking out the fog for quite some time. He gets very angry real fast and still blames me...post D we had alot of interacting about the settlement and what needed to be done. He got mad alot. Acted out. I just ignored him or gave it right back. But since I now remember that he is still in MLC this post D life with MLC is just as crazy.


He also travels a great deal. He played softball this past summer in two leagues and traveled to Las Vegas, Chicago, Florida, California, North Carolina all over for US playing softball. He is still in the busy mode. He has to stay busy so that he doesn't have to face his issues. Really busy. I know that they do this so that they don't have to think about the issues and feelings that they have. He stays constantly busy. He also takes alot of time off at work. He hates working. Wants to retire. He is so far in debt that I really think that he going to have to go bankrupty in order to live again. He has hocked tothis house up to the max. I don't know how he pays the bills and now alimony.
But that is his business.

All of it is his business in reality. I know that I can't fix him or his problems but I just realized today that MLC is not over... Life goes on and I am number one now. I don't see us ever getting back together. Only time will heal all wounds and that is what I say alot to myself. It just takes time. He needs to wake up and see the hurtful damage that he has done to his family. How he will ever be able to forgive himself for what he has done I don't know if he will be able too. I just wish that he had peace and happiness in his life. That he wakes up soon and can go on. Find happiness and peace with it all. I forgive him for the past 5 years,, I really do becuase they really don't know what they have done... Would they have stopped. YES Would they have hurt the people that they love the most in their lives, NO.

I hope that he lands with his feet first. That the pain that he ignores daily will eventually go away. That he gets peace and happiness all the days of his life. I just wish that this was over for him......ITSY