Quote: To make this short story longer, in a very short time, I may be forced to decide between moving house, moving jobs, or a ridiculously long commute that wouldn't be cost effective and that would seriously mar my quality of life. I will not lose my job, however. This is just based on the locations they are currently looking at. I don't like any of these choices.
Well as misery loves company . . . me too! My employer is relocating and the places they're rumored to be looking at would result in a much longer commute in lots of traffic -- would seriously cut into my personal life. Trying to ignore all the rumors and see how it really shakes out before I panic. At least it's happening now instead of earlier in my sitch (that really would've sent me over the edge back then!).
-- Karen
P.S. - If you're a choc malt gal, you gotta get you some Ovaltine!
You sound completely unfazed by the phone call with xh, atta girl!
Hope the job sitch works out satisfactorily. I know you love your current home, but as you are earning more money, would you be able to afford an upgrade if your firm does relocate?
Happy decorating, wrapping, cleaning etc. I am not decorating as I will not be at home over the holiday but I am going to make this place sparkle and shine any way.
This weekend, I also have to visit xh's parents to swap presents. At least I don't have to act being ok these days!
It will actually be good to spend more time at home this weekend as I have been out so much recently. Got a life, natch! But on Sunday, lots of family things to do once I have seen the ex in laws.
Hugs
Jaybeexxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
It's funny you mentioned being "unfazed" by the phone call. It has not left me bouncing off the walls like some similar thing in the past would have. If anything, it has made me feel better. I have been trying to figure out why. I think perhaps it is because I was so used to getting nothing or even worse than nothing...indifference. I know, like Calder mentioned, his reasons for calling were probably not so much about my well-being, but himself and his curiosity about what going on with me and the neighborhod. Despite that fact, it gave me a little boost because there are a million other ways he could have found that out without calling me. Before Amy gives me a stern talking to, I want to say that now, however, I'm in a place where I don't pin any hope on it. My life IS and will be fine to continue on as it is and frankly, if there were more to it, I don't know that I'd have the inclination or energy to switch gears for some unknown.
Regarding the company move, no, unfortunately my better salary would not enable me to "upgrade." With my old job and the apartment, I was living in debt. With the old job and the new house I was at "even", if I were to never buy anything again. With the new house and the new job, I am able to pay my bills and spend and save a little but nothing extravagant. There is no other way I can live more cheaply and be able to own my home and not have a room-mate and particularly if I moved closer to work. Those two things are important to me. If the commute becomes too much of a burden, I'll look into it further. I guess it sounds like I've made my choice.
Last night after work I finally had a chance to talk to my potential cat sitter. It is an older lady that lives across the street. I thought she would be perfect because she is so close and she seems responsible, someone I could trust with my home and "family", though she does work a lot. I went over and chatted with her and she has agreed to do it. We are both going to check into someone to plow our driveways as well and report our findings to each other. Last year I just shoveled because I had time due to not working but this year is a little different. After we chatted about that she asked if I wanted to go have a cocktail with her so we went and did that. The place nearby had a band playing so I got to hear some good tunes as well.
Enjoy your holiday preparations, jaybee. Good luck at the in-laws.
Quote: If anything, it has made me feel better. I have been trying to figure out why. I think perhaps it is because I was so used to getting nothing or even worse than nothing...indifference...... it gave me a little boost ........... however, I'm in a place where I don't pin any hope on it. My life IS and will be fine to continue on as it is and frankly, if there were more to it, I don't know that I'd have the inclination or energy to switch gears for some unknown.
Yep. I used to feel the same way, for most of the time xh contacted me so regularly. It IS validating. And I still feel that way about it, but it just got stuck in a very long groove!
And even though your xh may have seemed indifferent by his silence, you can't know how often he thought about you but didn't call, or how he actually felt. I do think that the fact he called after all this time, does mean he has never been indifferent.
And I know what you mean about probably not having the inclination to explore unkown and possible hazardous territory!
It sounds like a good plan to retain a lifestyle which gives you some financial leeway. You wouldn't have wanted not to be able to afford Mexico! I quite like something of a commute, it gives me a chance to unwind from the day, leave it all behind, and process it as I drive home.
Sounds like the cat sitter is working out. And being single means that we get to enjoy little forays like spontaneously going to the bar with your neighbour and hearing some music, without feeling someone is waiting for us. Another little blessing to count.
I have had a great time this week, filled with great music too. So tonight is a quiet night in. Just finished the last of the present wrapping and put some finishing touches to a Christmas wreath for my brother's grave, I am taking mum and dad there tomorrow. This time last year, I was in hospital and xh took a wreath for me, without me asking. Probably the only sweet thing he has done for me since his MLC hit! So I decided to get him a present and have just wrapped it. I don't think I will get one from him this year, for the first time, but it felt churlish to send presents for his boys and his parents and leave him out.
When do you go to Mexico? I think I may go somewhere warm and bright myself, maybe in February. North Africa sounds like a good plan.
Love
Jaybeexxxx
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
Quote: And even though your xh may have seemed indifferent by his silence, you can't know how often he thought about you but didn't call, or how he actually felt. I do think that the fact he called after all this time, does mean he has never been indifferent.
That's a nice thought, and one that doesn't bother me as much as it used to. Like everyone else, I always wanted him to love me as much as he used to and always wanted to know every thought of his and where/if I fit in. I suppose I have accepted that the past is the past and things are how they are for a reason.
Quote: It sounds like a good plan to retain a lifestyle which gives you some financial leeway
Yes, I don't want to be stretched to the limit. If there was an emergency now, I would only have myself to count on. I wonder if I could have counted on XH anyway. Hmmm. Mexico has put me back a little as I had just gotten back on my feet. I didn't want to lose the opportunity...and now at least I have the means over time to get back to flush.
It was kind of fun to just run off and go do something with the neighbor. She is a widow of six years and starting to enjoy her own spontaneity. Through the grapevine, I've heard her H was quite overbearing so I can understand her sense of freedom. She has a twenty something son (born in her forties) and is "mom" to lots of his adorable friends, some of whom I got to meet.
Tonight is a quiet night in for me also and my time to be domestic is frittering away as I ramble on. I'll git 'er done...I still have tomorrow.
I'll be leaving for Mexico the beginning of February. Good for you going on a trip! North Africa sounds very exotic. For me to top Mexico I would have to leave the continent. (can you hear my future vacation wheels spinning?)
Quote: Before Amy gives me a stern talking to, I want to say that now, however, I'm in a place where I don't pin any hope on it. My life IS and will be fine to continue on as it is and frankly, if there were more to it, I don't know that I'd have the inclination or energy to switch gears for some unknown.
Now with this kind of attitude, why would I need to give you any kind of advice?? It sounds like you definitely have your priorities straight. And you know, I can hardly imagine that after the time you spent with your h, and the trauma of the breakup, that there would be no reaction to his getting in touch after this amount of no contact time. It is great to hear that it did not cause days of distress and sadness for you. You are in a good place. And I hope that your living situation and job are able to keep you there.
Quote: And you know, I can hardly imagine that after the time you spent with your h, and the trauma of the breakup, that there would be no reaction to his getting in touch after this amount of no contact time
I appreciate you validating this. I have one "friend" that thinks I should blow him off and wonders why I even give it a second thought.
Cervesa, por favor. Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinco...senor, senorita...
Does that answer your question?
After the holidays I think I'm going to concentrate on my vacation. Go to a tanning booth, lose a couple pounds, and learn a few words of Spanish. My friends mom stated that the six of us will get together to discuss the specifics of the trip before we go. That should be fun in itself.
This past week was very busy with last minute Christmas prepartions, party with the pool league gals and struggling through a winter storm.
My brother and his family visited yesterday and we had a nice meal together. I just have a little vent about something...that's been going on for years. It's not a DB situation, but here it is. My bro and dad don't have the best R. It's not hateful but neither of them (particularly my bro) make much of an effort to have a R at all. I let go of trying to be the middle man years ago for obvious reasons. Anyway, my dad called and talked to my bro which I knew he had planned. My dad mentioned a few things about his "tests" this spring and did not elaborate and my bro did not ask him about it further. So, as soon as my bro got off the phone he quizzed me about it and I was left to explain the whole cancer situation and subsequent dealings with it in front of SIL and the kids (they are 20 and 15 so that wasn't the issure, really).
I was a little PO'ed at my dad for leaving me in that situation and for SIL putting in her usual .02 worth of judgements and preconceived notions about my dad.
This is the third year since XH's absense and oddly, I'm a little more down than last year. In '04 it was just a big blur and frankly I don't even remember what I did. I think I just hung out. I know I put a card for H in "his" mailbox and he called to say Merry Christmas. Last year, there was nothing from him but I felt quite up. Perhaps it was because the initial shock was over and he hadn't filed yet and we were not D'd. I probably still had a sliver of hope. This is my first year being D'd at Christmas and it has caught me a little off guard. Maybe I shouldn't have watched "Terms of Endearment" this morning.
I rarely have this down time where I have nothing "I have to get done" or where I'm not out doing something for fun or purpose. I think I will use this time to pause and reflect.
I want to say that now, however, I'm in a place where I don't pin any hope on it. My life IS and will be fine to continue on as it is and frankly, if there were more to it, I don't know that I'd have the inclination or energy to switch gears for some unknown.
(can you hear my future vacation wheels spinning?)
