Well, what a turn up! Well dealt with on the phone ,by the way!!
Good, good! You know, he sounds no longer like Peter Pan, flying through a charmed life, but one of the lost boys sadly grounded. Yup! I think you are right. I think reality is hitting him hard, and he is running to get some contact with the secure and maybe comforting world of yesterday and you.
It is up to you how you deal.He is still out there and doing his skanky thing.
So you can decide if you want to give him the comfort in cheery, friendly sympathetic contact, or just stay detached ,and let him flounder awhile yet.. or even for good. My attitude as you know, to my H is to keep the friendly thing going, while getting on like mad with my own life. It has seemed to work so far, as he is making all the first moves ,and getting more relaxed, and gave me big tight hug and kiss last time we met. He sees me as OK ,and now safe with him,loves chatting with me, tho still slightly competitive,unfortunately.
So go that way if you want. No hopes.. just wry amusement at the mighty now bumping along the ground, not flying high.
Maybe just see how it pans out, and be the gently warm , upbeat,empathising person to him for a wee while. I suspect he may panic at some point.. retreat again for a while,.. but who knows! Just put no value on the contact, as it does not mean to him what it does to you at this point. He is likely using it to prop his saggy new life at present, I feel, so his plans are still away.
I think this of my H.He maybe feels if he can see me for a laugh, and a guilt easing meal then he will manage just fine, not miss me, not worry etc, but not be committed to me either.
Now Jaybee was saying that there is also the opposite stance.. as you know.. to cut the contact. as her xH reacted to that. But I think..at present, if they start to like and want contact.. then that is a good way to find out more.If it is progressing no matter how slow then that feels good. But if like Jay's it is stuck, them maybe it needs a change. Maybe then we can cut, if it seems helpful, and they will have more to miss and lose. Who knows, and who knows if we do want them back.. sad deceitful failures that they are.
Maybe life has better for us in store. I do not have much choice as we have sons, and that means contact at times. Also the money and the house, and lots still,of his stuff here. He has left it so he has lots of good reasons to come over. You have more freedom now.. but I would be curious to see where this goes for a wee while.. without committing any hopes or emotional investment in it if you can. Best way is to have your fun life keep rolling, and just make the most of it! Go out and enjoy.. your mission for now!! Take care,
