I think you are doing great! I also think your feelings are normal. I know that it bothered me even last year that H married OW and I wondered which of his relatives went, which ones "accept" it all. They didn't in the beginning - who knows now. Who knows what he has told them. But I've come to accept it and life has been fine. The more I have distance the more peace I have felt. Strangely, he has been coming out of the woodwork this Christmas. Calls the house every day (I NEVER answer), took the kids for a bit more of a visit, calls to check on Ryan (with the nurse) and didn't understand why the kids didn't want to spend his birthday (this Thurs) with him despite the fact they have tried every previous year and he has turned them down for OW.
Regarding the Santa gifts I think that's one thing you don't have much control over. There are some things we just have to let go on and as one of the other posters pointed out - it makes the kids feel extra special. That can't be a bad thing.
Anyway, I'm thinking of you and glad this holiday has been good.
Thank you for stopping by my curb. I hope you all had wonderful Christmases. It is almost the new year and I plan to make it a great one. No more pity parties.
BTW GG I am getting a massage on Saturday. My girls are going to see Beauty and the Beast and then out for dinner with my sister, bil and neice.
So now here is my dilemma. I have been dark on h so much that I leave the room when he comes to get the girls or drop them off. But I think this is affecting d4. Her behaviour has been a bit over the top lately. Today she did not want to go with h. She wanted me to go too. I hate how selfish he has become.
I try to be in the same room with him now but I can't talk to him. The thought of him just repulses me. I am not sure why I feel like this. I mean I know it is understandable but I am usually not like this. I have not respect left for him and no feelings. Well maybe a little hate, which I know is not good. Maybe I am just working through my feelings and trying to figure them out but for now I just can't bring myself to even be cordial.
I just don't want to hurt d4. We have been spending some good quality time together this week as I have been off. I really hope that helps. But I do fear that she will grow up insecure. I just can't imagine how she will feel when she is older and she realizes h left when she was only 1 year old. As usual I will have to pick up the pieces. She is so wonderful and so full of love and life I just don't want this to affect her.
Also lately it seems h is favouring d8. He never favoured either child before and it is not really blatant but it is there.
Anyway thanks for letting me vent.
I do hope you all have a wonderful new year. Let us make it a good new year for all of us. Full of positive change and moving forward with our lives.
You have done so well, have been so patient, been so caring... it is easy to see why you'd be angry with your H. You have EVERY RIGHT to be angry and hurt. You are normal, he isn't. Things being what they are, (crazy) it is probably best if you don't vent all over him... although, it would probably feel really good about now.
Leave him be, vent here, or vent in an email to me, I do understand. You MUST take care of yourself, and this means you need to process your feelings, even the angry ones. Get them out... go for a walk, scream at the top of your lungs... find a kick bag or boxing bag and beat the tar out of it... you deserve it. You have to feel or process it in order to let go of it, for it WILL eat you up inside.... trust me, I've done it myself, and it doesn't feel good, and it will bring you down too. So, get it out.
As for D4, she's being a typical 4 year old. I thought someone came down and exchanged my two at the age of 4. I didn't have terrible 2s, 3s were fantastic, but 4.. OMG, I thought I'd go nuts before they both were 5. Of course, my two are a year apart, so I had 2 years of age 4.
Let him deal with her, if he is in the house. If he messes up, wait until they come home, and talk with her about the situation... but give him first shot, so he can see what his beautiful daughter is going through. Allow him to try to be "the grown-up" and responsible for what he is doing to them both. He doesn't have them for all that long, so you can make the necessary repairs when they come back, after he is gone.
As for who she will be when she grows up, she will be wise, wonderful, and caring, because she has YOU as her Mother. Don't borrow trouble,(from the future) we all have enough going on in today, so it's best to worry about what is going on today.
Take care of you, God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
Thank you for validating me re: d4. Her behaviour has actually improved quite a bit lately so I am sure it is just her being 4.
Well I did mess up going dark. I wanted to stay dark at least 3 months. H kept pursuing and finally he got me. He asked for a picture from d8s communion. It was the last one taken of his dad. I have already given him a copy but he couldnot remember. So I found my copy. The memory card has been erased and I said that I needed to make a copy for myself. He then asked me to make an enlargement for him and mil and some extra copies for some relatives. So I did. Anyway the irony is that the picture is a family picture me included and now and h and mil will have it on display. H could have had it done himself and cropped me out but he did not. I really dont think he will care either how ow feels. He will just think it is now big deal because it is a picture of his father.
Last night when h dropped the ds off I was in the shower. The ds came in to show me some new toys and h also came into the bathroom. I found that a little strange.
The ds have also not mentioned ow in a long time. H tells them not to but d4 usually lets the cat out of the bag but so far she has not. I am sure she is still in the picture.
Okay so I cant stay completely pitch black dark now but I do have to be too busy and try to leave before he gets here and stay in my bedroom when he drops them off. He has not stepped foot in my bedroom for a long time so it should work.
Well enough about him. I have tonnes of stuff to get accomplished this year especially before I start school. The first is I need passports. We are going to Disneyland. Still 4 hour line ups though. My goals.
1. passport applications filled out (including hs part on the ds forms ) and pictures taken this week. To the passport office by the end of the month.
2. I have to call au pair agency to inquire about au pair for September.
3. I have to call Revenue Canada (owe them some money yuck).
4. I have to look into starting new home business for when school begins and I cant run my daycare.
5. de clutter. I have some large appliances to donate.
6. Paint my kitchen this month
7. Paint ds room in February or March and get them new beds.
8. Work on reorgnizing daycare so I can repaint it and rework the space when I close.
It is all doable but there is a lot of stuff. Much of it left behind by h so my work is cut out for me.
You sound better; I think the dark is good for you. I'm glad D4 is doing better, too.
This struck me, mainly b/c of your reaction to it:
Quote: H could have had it done himself and cropped me out but he did not. I really dont think he will care either how ow feels. He will just think it is now big deal because it is a picture of his father.
If that had happened to me a year ago, I would have been reading into it like crazy, but now I think the way you seem to: they are totally clueless. I mean TOTALLY. It just doesn't even cross their little minds. I think their brains can only take so much, and the lies they must tell themselves to prove that what they are doing is right must just take up all the space.
Quote: 1. passport applications filled out (including hs part on the ds forms ) and pictures taken this week. To the passport office by the end of the month.
I had mine and the kids' done in the summer, first time since the new picture rules came into effect. As you've no doubt heard, pretty much everyone looks terrible b/c you can't smile. What I also found out is that your face has to be in an exact spot in the picture and you can't even have your mouth slightly open. I had to get mine re-taken b/c I have a slight overbite and the tips of my front teeth were showing! Luckily, I just had to get a photo done at a place in the same building as the passport office and didn't have to get it signed again. The good side is that #1 was a terrible photo; bad side is that I had no make-up on the second time! I had originally gone to a pharmacy, so I won't do that again. They are extremely picky. You're not even allowed any jewelry. Just FYI.
~ Nicola
Life isn't about finding yourself; it's about creating yourself My thread: Trusting God's Plan
Glad to see you posted! OK...well, as far as the going dark...sometimes there HAS to be contact because of the kids, right? I think you handled the situation very good, Mermaid. But, what was up with him coming into the bathroom??? Does my little emotioncon guy to the left of the sentence do any justice to the facial expression I am sure you had!!!
Your list of goals sound great, Mermaid...and sound like soem fun mixed in there as well!
And I agree with Lissett...did you forget to put the hottie from your show on the list???
I think you will have a great time at Disney. Haven't been there for a while myself but I always enjoy it immensely as I'm basically just a big kid myself.
I can't understand these guys who keep insisting on invading your personal space, that's so foreign to my sitch (where my H won't even invade my state!). Shower, eh. Weird.
Your house plans sound great. Have fun painting . . ..
Happy New Year! Sounds like you have set some realistic goals for yourself - good stuff!
I stopped letting my H in my house a couple of years ago. It seemed to be giving him the wrong message about my acceptance of his situation and that he could cake eat. Since I've moved I won't even allow him to come to the door. But we're a different couple in a different situation without small children. Still, I think you need to have some boundaries. It seems to me that he thinks he can push his way into your life any time he wants to. Be strong, sweetie.
I'm going to Disneyland in 2 weeks. Attending a convention there. I'm taking my almost 80 year old dad. He took me there 48 years ago and has never been back. It is my first ever memory with him, my mom and my brother (sisters weren't born yet). We visited his grandparents and aunts and uncles who lived there. He had been in the Navy and in port in Long Beach a couple of times too so wanted to go back. I plan to take him there too.
I'm used to taking my kids - this will be a whole new experience for me! I can't wait to share this trip and create new memories with him just as you will with your Ds. I'm a Disney fanatic. I've been dozens of times to the parks in Florida, California and Paris. If you need any advice - I'm a good person to ask.
I will also be meeting up with Karen (from Surviving) and Beth M and hopefully KML and Dust in the Wind, and my longtime California friend who lives in Burbank. So much to do in 10 days!!!
2007 will be a good year for you. The passport thing is a real pain here in Niagara. Will greatly reduce tourism for us. We've had ours for a long time but D can't find hers. Grrrr.... I told her she has to find it before we go to England (2 months) or she can go stand in line and pay for it herself.
Anyway, just stopped to say hi, not to write a volume.
Hi guys it is nice to hear from all of you. Nicola thanks for the tips regarding the passport situation. There are still four hour lineups and mail ins will take about 6 weeks. I think I am going to have to brave the lineups I am a little nervous about waiting for the mail.
I am really looking forward to going to Disneyland. I havenot been in a very long time. My gf takes her grade 12 marketing class every year so we are going at the same time, same hotel but that is all.
Barbie I did read you were going as well. You are a well seasoned traveller. I like travel also.
As for h coming into the bathroom. Well I have no doubt he did want a look. Honestly it did not bother me that much. I just found a lot of his behaviour strange lately. But that is mlc. Last night for instance when he dropped the ds off. I stayed in my bedroom. He asked for me but as soon as d4 walked into my room and told me she got money from h and ow well h took that as his que to leave. I did get up to help the ds get into their pjs and all I saw was hs back!!??? Guilt again made him run away. You would think he would get tired of running.
I did get alot accomplished yesterday and today. But I wanted to donate and old fridge and tv and no one will take one that old so it looks like I am going to have to call some junk removal guys instead. Drag because it will cost me money.
Well that is all. I will catch up with all of you very soon.
Oh I almost forgot I will add stalking the guy from Men in Trees to my list just as soon as I find where he lives.
Does my little emotioncon guy to the left of the sentence do any justice to the facial expression I am sure you had!!! 
