Always. You are so level headed. Everything you said makes perfect sense. Thank you for the support. You are right h has always used my kids and I think he will continue to do so especially if I go dark. It will be interesting to say the least to see how things unfold because h has never been an angry mlcer but that may yet come. But not my problem as I am dark and will stay that way. I will not let him draw me out of the darkness this time.
Laughing. I always love hearing from you. I have such admiration for you. I am really trying to heal and process everything so that I can really move on this time. I actually have been processing all of this for awhile but fil's illness and death interrupted my thoughts. So now I am back on track.
As for finding God well I am so sure that these mlcers will not get off easy for mocking God. You cannot only obey parts of the bible of your chosing. It does not work that way. There are certainly hints that God is trying to get the attention of these stubborn mlcers. I know to keep my faith and my integrity intact and all the rest will come. After all we reap what we sow.
Barbie. Thank you for all of your wise words and understanding. I know it is time to properly grieve now so that I can put this to rest. I know there will always be ups and downs but I need to somehow get some kind of peace out of all of this. I had begun the process of grieving the end to my end when h brought ow home to meet his parents. I knew then it was over but h pulled me back into his web and I slowly got drawn in but no more.
I am not surprised at the pastor's behaviour although I am appalled. Again like I said to Laughing that God will not be mocked and each of these men (and women) who pretend to follow the word will get hit with it upside the head one day. Although I am sure for many they will be bitter and lonely old men.
I am officially pulling myself out of this drama. I really don't care any longer about h's r with ow. I am going to concentrate on my children. They will see the truth one day also. Then it will me picking up the peices again. Like when they learn the meaning of adultery in (catholic) school. Or when they experience heart ache and betrayel and will see that this woman the their father brought into their lives hurt their mom so much.
Barbie I enjoy your ramblings. I have always admired you. I am reaching a peaceful place. At least I feel that today.
I think I have been struggling not just because of my faith as that is all very new. Mind you I think I have been struggling because it is very new. I always thought the reason h did not fully come back last year was because my faith was not strong enough. I keep thinking maybe I did not pray hard enough when h was reconnecting. I was confused though because people with less faith or no faith have had their m's restored in way less a time. I know it is all in God's time. But I do think I was missing a lot of the messages He was trying to send me by being so wrapped up in m restoration. I was living my life but I think I needed to completely let go of my old life. It took me a long time to get it. Maybe that is why I got hit over the head with the information.
It was not long ago that I recieved the message of the truth will set you free from two different places. I knew it was meant for me but I was not sure why. I explored all avenues of the truth from my childhood and my m. That is when I began to realize the truth about my m. But the real truth about h came out at the funeral. That was the real ticket to help me move on. I know that God has great things in store for me. I will continue to be still and let the answers come. I just hope I recognize those answers.
Now I have rambled. But thank you all for your support.
