I do understand your sadness Mermaid, as I read your post, I do remember how xh switching from "Mom" to "Your Mom" gave me pause to reflect. It does sound different coming from their mouths, as I do believe it does also show their detachment from their own (or even old) life too.
XH also felt he found God too. The first time he mentioned wanting to find time to read the Bible, but that was well over 2.5 years ago. Again recently, after his accident, he has told everyone, God has something special in mind for him, otherwise he would be taking a "dirt nap" now. He told me he was going to do things "right" from now on, the way God intended him to do and be. It wasn't a week or so later, he married his girlfriend....
The next thing I witnessed from him, were all the lies in court, and of course here, we lay our hand on the Bible and swear we are going to tell the whole truth, etc. and nothing from his mouth was true, although may have been xh's (wanna be) truth.
I don't want you to go through the extended turmoil that I have experienced.... nobody deserves it, especially you. You are on the right path Mermaid, one of healing and personal growth. We need to learn to allow our spouses to make the choices they are going to make, no matter how brain damaged they appear to us. We can't save them from themselves, and the choices they make. They must feel all the consequences of their actions, otherwise they (once again) will be cheated out of the full lesson they must learn.
I envision xh holding hands with Satan, walking down a dark path, knowing that is no place for me, or my children to follow. He must, on his own, muster the strength to fight back in order to find the light he is searching for.
I was told by a very smart woman, that fear is the work of Satan. It is when we neglect our Faith in God, that fear often sets in, our minds begin to see only the negatives, and we focus on the pain we feel. We need to understand these times our Faith is being tested, and once we reconfirm our belief, we begin to see our world in a different light, and are able to count our blessings once again.
Yes, it is difficult to pull back from your H, and the future you once had dreamed of, but it is you that will be saved from the pain and confusion surrounding your H. It's not meant to be shared by us, for we are being protected by His guiding hands.
You have goals to attend to, you have little girls to protect and give comfort to, you are a devoted, loving Mom, and as difficult a choice it is to make, it's time for you to lead your girls into your future, believing if it is meant to be, it will be.
You are going to be fine Mermaid, just like me. It does take surviving low moments like this to reassess our strengths, but soon you will feel the love in your heart, and the vitality to move forward.
Take care of you, give the girls a bear hug!
God Bless
Love,
Laughing
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you.........
