First and foremost, I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.
Second, you did nothing wrong by standing up for your family and your marriage.
Third, you are so right. It was all a show. He was using the OW to get a reaction from you. You said yourself you played into his hands. I don't think I would go that far but you did react. The reason why I know this is that my XH does the EXACT same thing.
He pulled some stuff this week by suggesting that we all go to the caribbean together. He, the Rat, me, New Guy and all of our kids. OMG!
Anyway, I could not BELIEVE he would do that. I almost reacted..the key word is ALMOST.
Then, I thought, what does he EXPECT me to do when he suggests this on a voicemail? You betcha..A reaction.
Now it totally stinks that H pulled this at his own dad's funeral. But, if you think about it, it's par for the course. He is so lost right now he didn't know what to do. You were his safe place way back when when you two were together, and now it's all changed. He didn't know what to do and he panicked. Typical MLC stuff. To use the OW as a safety net or a means to get attention.
I don't know if you read on my post but the Rat, aka OW, apologized to me. She said that XH treats her worse than he treated me. The mental and verbal abuse is horrible. She pretty much told me verbatum what they fight about. Yup, you guessed it. It's me.
So funny because I totally took myself out of the equation. I, too, started to feel sorry for her. She isn't the most attractive girl, she had nothing when XH met her, she left her kid. Now, she is left with a depressed MLC abusive man who is still not over leaving his family. And who is to blame..SHE IS in his eyes. It's a love hate relationship. On one hand, she is all he has. On the other hand, on the bad days, he blames her for it all and knows she doesn't hold a candle to me. Plain and simple.
So, Mermaid, I truly understood when you said you felt sorry for her and apologized on the voicemail to them. I don't think you did anything wrong by addressing her and your stance for your marriage but if you felt it warranted a response, so be it. It makes you an even better person than most and more of a reason for your stupid alien to listen to the message and cry. He knows what a class act you are and you just proved it.
It is so confusing, I have to admit. How all this garbage ties together and who is to blame, etc. All I know is that these guys are emotionally and probably mentally unstable. Any woman who thinks the MLC guy is their knight in shining armor is smoking crack. But they don't see it right away.
Theses OW think they are the answer to their prayers. And these guys most likely lead the OW to believe this. Then, when the dust settles and the mundane of everyday life occurs and MLCer sees nothing is better, they start to see the light. And, to make matters worse, these OW are a part of the nasty divorce process. Smack dab in the middle. Personally, I can think of UMPTEEN MILLION other places I would like to be than hanging out with an emotionally unstable married man who is going through a separation or divorce from his wife. NO THANK YOU.
These OW will take scraps. That is what these guys liked in the beginning. They were so appreciative and low maintenance. These OW would do head stands just to get the chance to go out for a beer with these MLCers. Fast forward a year later. Now, what looked like "low maintenance" is a pathetic needy woman who has such low self esteem she has to go after a married guy.
I know this for a fact since XH basically told me. He said the Rat takes less than 100%. (I even have it on a recorder!! I taped him talking about her once..so funny..he never knew it! )
Mermaid, I am so very sorry for all the heartache you have had to endure lately. Your FIL passing away, the impact this loss has had on you, your d's and even the Alien. It has not been an easy time by any means so be good to yourself, okay?
You have always been the voice of reason for me and such a cheerleader when I could barely get out of bed to check my email. Just know how wonderful we all think you are and what a role model you have provided to all of us.
Hang in there and hug those d's of yours. They are so lucky to have such a terrific mom. We are all so lucky to have such a wonderful friend.
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