OT, thanks for jumping in here with this clarification. You really do present a pretty disquieting picture of the dis-service one does themself by acting this way. The availibility issue resounded with me. I think this is where I'm having trouble - I'm pressuring my W just be being there, prepared to be accomodating to her. I don't pursue, I don't think I imply that I want any kind of romantic relationship with her, yet I'm always willing to take care of things. This does imply it. I allow her to expect service from me, and I willingly do things for her.
The trouble is that I get feedback to the opposite: "You don't care about my needs." "You don't get me things that you know I want." "I can't eat because there's nothing in the house that I like to eat." She has a very limited diet because of her aversions, and I am aware of this and accomodate it. I take responsibility for her needs far more than I should, yet in her eyes I do a poor job of this. Her feelings don't matter. I think her feelings are at odds with themself in this situation.
So, in light of this, I question whether I should do less to accomodate her specific needs. It almost seems spiteful to do so, yet I think she would be aware that she's using me at present - which does nothing good for her respect for me.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
