So does this statement apply only to a healthy marriage? To me, an unhealthy marriage, or a marriage in an unhealthy state is always going to be implicitly unbalanced. One person leans more towards wanting out as a means to gain power and the other hangs on. Clearly one person is more "in" the marriage in the sense that they want it to work on the surface - but I guess both people are invested in the relationship when issues of power come up because they are pursuing power, which can only be gained if the relationship exists.
In response to your point, TL, about the personal responsibilty of an LBS, I agree fully. The trouble is that often the beliefs of each of the spouses regarding what those responsibilities entail are debatable. It's very easy for my W to say that I don't validate her feelings and thereby I'm not living up to my responsibility as her husband when she wants me to support an idea that I don't agree with (utter manipulation in my opinion) while I believe that I am meeting all of my responsibilities as a spouse.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
