Well, does anyone know of a good man that won't cheat on his wife and is willing to take on a ready made family?
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Gotta say, that thought has run through my mind a lot too. But we have to do everything we can possibly do first! Hope the roller coaster heads up again today.
Well, today was MC and the counselor called him back first. I knew before I even got to the appt that I didn't really have alot to say. I just needed some answers from him. I have talked so much he just wasn't hearing what I had to say. So she pulled me back into the room and I told her that I didn't have too much to say. So she pulled him back in the room and I told him that I needed some answers.
He said that he didn't feel comfortable saying what he needed to say because he wasn't sure how it would be used against him. He said that it he says that he is moving on with his life that I will keep the kids from him. So needless to say he was dropping a bomb on me. So we had a few words there in the therapists office and then she wanted to talk to me by myself. She told me that she agreed with everything that I had said. I had told him that there was no way that he was going to take our kids anywhere near her or that place. (remember her soon-to-be ex is an abuser) He told me that I was being selfish. How dare he?!?!? She just told me that I had been remarkably strong and kind throughout this whole ordeal and she was afraid that I may end up angry and bitter. So we talked for a few and then I left. He had already left and was headed back to her place. I called him and asked him to meet me so that we could talk.
He met me for about an hour and we talked. He says that he didn't know that he was hurting me so badly by filling me full of hope only to crush it. (Can we say denial?) He said that he can only see the mistakes that I have made. I asked him why and he said that he didn't know. I asked him if that was the only way he could justify what he was doing. He said that was probably why. I told him to tell me if he was done. If he is then I will have to deal with it but he will also have to deal with what comes with walking away. I told him that if he lives his life avoiding confrontation then he is going to be running his entire life. I finally ended it asking him if he wanted me to walk away and turn my back and the answer I got was "I don't know." I had just told him not to say anything to me that he didn't mean because I take everything to heart.
So I believe it that those who have A truly are messed up and living in a fantasy world. I just don't know what to do right now. Do I continue to fight the good fight or do I walk away?!?!? I know that he is living with her. I just can't seem to walk away even though I feel like it sometimes.
HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Not very well. You can catch up on my update that i just posted. We are scheduled for next week but who knows if we will keep the appointment.
Thanks for asking. I hope that your evening is going better than mine.
I just want to wake up and all of this be a dream...........
How are you doing?
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I know that you are trying very hard and am sorry that your day didn't go that well after MC.
You are right that those that are in A are living in a fantasy world. He is committed to not committing.
Have you tried not contacting him at all (apart from arranging visits with kids)?
I think that you and I are the same in that we want things to happen right away and we want to know how our S is feeling about our marriage. I don't think that our S are there yet.
My wife is all over the place when she tells me what she wants. One day is divorce, next day is living together as co-parents, next day she is going to get a boyfriend so she can move out. . . . .
They are so confused that they don't know whether they are coming or going.
I think that you may need to start to put him out of the picture for a while and I bet he will start to respond when he sees that you aren't pursuing him
My W responds much better to that than when I want to talk about R or need answers or ask what she wants to do.
My day has gone fine so far. I haven't called my wife once. Not easy but I didn't do it. I responded to a couple of emails but pretty much just giving her answers to info that she wanted. . . . no small talk.
I am continuing to project a PMA and not question her about anything. I am trying to "always agree" and affirm her feelings. Although this hasn't happened too much because she has been working opposite schedules from me.
Tonight is the first night together in about 3 days.
I just want to act like (it is acting because it hurts a lot) that no matter what she does I am going to be a happy person and a good father. She can come along with me or choose not to. It is harder than it sounds.
If you ever want to talk via phone or something just shoot me a PM. Sometimes it is good to talk with someone who is going through the same troubles.
God bless, SOH
M 34
H 34
Together 8 yrs
Married 7 yrs
Son 2 1/2
Son 2 1/2
SD 12
Do you know how to enable private messages? I try it but it says private message disabled.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
SOH is right...the most important thing to do right now is leave it alone with H and start some HEAVY DUTY work on you: no more talking about it with him, no more pursuing period. (I think I'm in that same boat now too )
We have to find our own happiness, independent of them.
You are both right. I guess as long as I know that D is not in his vocabulary right now, it is comforting. It is just so hard because he has been my life for 11 years, since I was 18. I am going to try to just stay focused on being positive and kind but I am not going to contact him except to find out about whether or not we are going to the next counseling session. Other than that, I am just going to have to let him sit and stir in the things that I have said to him. Aren't we glad that we can't just turn off our emotions like some of our spouses??!??
Thanks for the encouragement! How are you doing in your sitch?
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Good morning--thanks for your post on my thread today. You hit the nail on the head: only you can choose to take control back, and it's the only way you'll come through this strong and wise and capable.
I know exactly how difficult it is to back off when he has been a big part of your life for so long. Life is all about change though, and every one of us has to learn how to deal with and grow with that.
It feels like this will last forever too, but take hope in the fact that he isn't pursuing D and the fact that most As end within 6-12 months...the newness and fantasy will wear off, and from there? It's up to you.
