Well, today is our 7th Wedding Anniversary and he spends the night at her place! Happy Anniversary to me!
This weekend was not the best. It started out ok. We went Christmas shopping for the kids and got that knocked out. He stuck around for a little while and then had a party to get to. He came over on Sunday for a little while but when I put the kids down for a nap, he left to go sleep for a little while. Then he was an hour late from when he said that he would be there. By then, I had had enough. When he got there, both myself and my S4 were crying. He was upset because I made him clean up his toys and I was upset because I realized that I can't keep raising these kids by myself. So I got the kids situated and I left. I just grabbed my coat and purse and left. I didn't say one word to him. I hated doing that to the kids but I needed him to see what I go through every time he comes and then decides to go. I only went to the grocery store but that doesn't matter.
My mom has been staying with me to take care of the kids while H makes up his mind as to what life he is going to be living. She came in and she pretty much laid into him. She told him that he was ripping this family apart and he needed to either fix it or flush it. (the marriage) She asked him if he was so willing to give away his family, his marriage and his home. He of course just sat there and said nothing. When she left the room, he got up and was going to leave. I went after him and asked him to stay for a few so that we could talk. I don't know if what she said hurt my chances but it made her feel better to get it off of her chest. We sat outside for a few minutes and talked.
I asked him why he could only talk to me at MC and he said because he feels comfortable there. I also told him that the decision he has to make is whether or not he wants to be part of this family. If not, then I will find someone who does. And when that happens, he will be a weekend dad. Let's just say that he didn't like that. He thinks that he will be able to get the kids on the days that he is off work. I told him that it won't be on his schedule. It will be ours. I wouldn't let him take them anyways if he was still with this OW. Her H is abusive and has already confronted my H to fight. What makes him think that he wouldn't hunt him down and hurt my kids. Talk about someone who isn't thinking. I just wanted him to see reality, not his fantasy world.
We go back to MC tomorrow. I am tempted to say just a few words as I have said everything I need to say to him 1000 times. He just doesn't want to hear them. I would love to see what he has to say since he can't say it without being in counseling. I guess my main question will be "What are you wanting to get out of counseling?" Should I ask that? I am just so tired of talking. All I want to do is talk to get a resolution but he never wants to talk.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
