Quote: I guess I am going to have to go back to my initial decision to not call him.
This has been one of my big things too. I make a daily effort to call him only when there is an urgent need...never just to talk (I get myself into trouble when I do that). The same with ILY...if he calls or says, fine, great! Baby steps.
Of course, we all stumble. But we can always pick ourselves up and keep on moving forward. That's what we do have control over.
Quote: I just can't take the fact that he thinks it is ok to continue this A.
I am still struggling with this, though my H's A is apparently over, he is showing NO VISIBLE REMORSE (beyond trying to be a little more helpful with the kids and not traveling so much). In the few conversations we've had about it, I've gathered that there was a lot of confusion, shock and self-loathing going through him.
I've tried to picture it as my relationship with a pan of brownies sitting in the kitchen, calling my name. I can leave it alone for awhile, and then BAM--I'm in there stuffing my face, all the while telling myself I shouldn't...but they're just so good...and I end up hating myself for my weakness. So I have some more, since I've already fallen.
Well, have to go take care of kiddies. (((((Hugs))))) Hang in there.
Quote: I was surprised but hoped that it wasn't something to fill me full of false hope.
NEVER say that....Never question him. You saw the result it got you. Just take as he was thinking about you which is positive. If he was sincere or not it does not matter. You should have just thanked him sister and told him how great it was that he was thinking of you and left it at that.
Anyway Moving on because that is in the past. What I really want to say is get out of your self pitty mood. Do you think your H is going to come back if he sees you like this? No He wants the strong and caring woman that he married.
As far as the A. My W is in the same boat. She thinks it is fine and dandy to have an affair with Johnny the Sexoffender eventhough we are still married. Heck She even told my SIL that she was getting fed up with the kids because they were driving her nuts. Gee I wonder Why. Maybe it is because they MIGHT see her 3 days a week and those days are her recover days from staying up until 4AM with Johnny the Sexoffender.
Hey just look at it this way you are in a lot better of a position to save your marriage than a lot of people on her honey. Keep you chin up and do somthing nice for yourself tonight. Maybe take Bubble baths or something simple once the little one goes to sleep.
Cheer up and we are all here for you. Later, O
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
I know...I know... I am trying to get out of that pit. Sometimes it is easier said than done but I am trying. Just one of those days of thinking that the world is ending because I have a dumb butt as a H.
I guess my decision right now is to try to forget about what he is doing and focus on what I can do to make him forget about .....what's her name!?!? I look at him and he seems to be a nomad right now not really having anywhere to stay so he ends up there. I just wish he would realize that he does have somewhere to stay if only he would make that decision.
Thanks for the advice. I will get out of my pit and dust myself off.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
That happens with the homework btw.. I think you might want to get on it though to hopefully avoid prolonging your sitch ? I once had this rabbit that ate most paper products !
Well, I decided to take a nice hot bubble bath last night after my crappy day and started to read DB. I am going to continue my good works and try to get rid of the worry and doubt that keeps going through my mind.
I did something yesterday that I shouldn't have but have made my apology and got one in return.
Daggon rabbits.....
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
I just got done reading your sitch. Seems to be similar to mine. My W was having an A, broke it off (because I contacted OM who had no idea she was "working" on her M with me), now she is flying out of town to visit him next weekend, ugh. . . . my sitch
Anyways, I wanted to say that I think that you are doing a great job. I have seen a lot of things that I have been doing wrong by reading your posts. I have been unattractive to my wife because of my over pursuit.
Sometimes we know what we need to do but it is so hard when you don't get immediate results. Thanks for getting me back on track. I am going to give her her space because I know she is confused.
Different than your sitch my wife says a lot that she doesn't want to be married anymore but is staying with me for the kids. I think that this is fine because it buys us time until she can start to come around.
LET'S NOT GIVE UP!!
I added you to my friends list. . . .I hope we can stay in touch and provide each other help
Best regards, SOH
M 34
H 34
Together 8 yrs
Married 7 yrs
Son 2 1/2
Son 2 1/2
SD 12
It is so nice that you have stopped by. It is great to hear that someone gets some comfort out of how I am dealing with things even though I have my doubts that it is working.
I think that her still being in the same home is a plus for you. At least you know where she is and she isn't getting used to being away from you and the kids. My H just seems to be so confused but yet he keeps running to her even though he keeps saying things to me that imply a future for us. It just hurts over and over again every time I find out that he has lied to me and has been with her.
Let's stay in contact! It will be a hard thing for you to give her the space as it has been my biggest challenge. I have been good not to call him but then have a moment of weakness when I pick up the phone and call. Then I get angry when he doesn't answer because I know where he is. It is just so hard to see these people making stupid decisions and decisions that are ultimately throwing their family away. They just don't see it that way. If we could put them all in this huge bubble and zap it with brain juice, we would all be in a much happier place today!
Have a good day and hope to hear from you soon!
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Well, today is our 7th Wedding Anniversary and he spends the night at her place! Happy Anniversary to me!
This weekend was not the best. It started out ok. We went Christmas shopping for the kids and got that knocked out. He stuck around for a little while and then had a party to get to. He came over on Sunday for a little while but when I put the kids down for a nap, he left to go sleep for a little while. Then he was an hour late from when he said that he would be there. By then, I had had enough. When he got there, both myself and my S4 were crying. He was upset because I made him clean up his toys and I was upset because I realized that I can't keep raising these kids by myself. So I got the kids situated and I left. I just grabbed my coat and purse and left. I didn't say one word to him. I hated doing that to the kids but I needed him to see what I go through every time he comes and then decides to go. I only went to the grocery store but that doesn't matter.
My mom has been staying with me to take care of the kids while H makes up his mind as to what life he is going to be living. She came in and she pretty much laid into him. She told him that he was ripping this family apart and he needed to either fix it or flush it. (the marriage) She asked him if he was so willing to give away his family, his marriage and his home. He of course just sat there and said nothing. When she left the room, he got up and was going to leave. I went after him and asked him to stay for a few so that we could talk. I don't know if what she said hurt my chances but it made her feel better to get it off of her chest. We sat outside for a few minutes and talked.
I asked him why he could only talk to me at MC and he said because he feels comfortable there. I also told him that the decision he has to make is whether or not he wants to be part of this family. If not, then I will find someone who does. And when that happens, he will be a weekend dad. Let's just say that he didn't like that. He thinks that he will be able to get the kids on the days that he is off work. I told him that it won't be on his schedule. It will be ours. I wouldn't let him take them anyways if he was still with this OW. Her H is abusive and has already confronted my H to fight. What makes him think that he wouldn't hunt him down and hurt my kids. Talk about someone who isn't thinking. I just wanted him to see reality, not his fantasy world.
We go back to MC tomorrow. I am tempted to say just a few words as I have said everything I need to say to him 1000 times. He just doesn't want to hear them. I would love to see what he has to say since he can't say it without being in counseling. I guess my main question will be "What are you wanting to get out of counseling?" Should I ask that? I am just so tired of talking. All I want to do is talk to get a resolution but he never wants to talk.
"Be patient to persevere and wait for God to heal. Keep in mind that you are both imperfect people. Look to God as the source of all you want to see in your marriage and don't worry how it will happen...Leave it in His hands."
Honey, I feel your pain. It is a double slap in the face that today is your anniversary.
Knowing that your H has to make his own decisions and watching him do such destructive things is agonizing. I am letting this fact get to me today too. But we both know that the only way to make it feel better (today at least) is to find something else to focus on.
Raising the kids by yourself is tough--you have no choice in that right now, as H is completely self-absorbed. You know you can and will do anything to protect them.
What are you going to do today to help yourself feel better?
I think you might want to get on it though to hopefully avoid prolonging your sitch ? I once had this rabbit that ate most paper products ! 
