Not giving up even though H having an A

[not_giving_up]

Well, I have spent the past few weeks reading a lot of your stories and how many of you have decided to fight for your marriages. I too am in that same boat.

Let me just give you a few details about myself and my situation. In September, I gave birth to our 3rd child. At the first of October I found out that my husband had been having an A for about 4 or more months with someone that he worked with. Let's just say that I was completely devistated as everyone is when they realize this. The way that I found out was that he had been hiding his cell phone. He would get calls and would take them in another room or outside. When I really started to take notice was when I received our cell bill and it had 255 text messages in one month. He tried to tell me that it was his friends texting him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt but never let the thought leave my mind. Then one day, he made a big mistake. He left his phone at home by mistake. So being courious, I read through his messages and cried the more I read.

At that point, i called her cell phone and told her never to call my H again. She in turn, called him at work to let him know that I knew. When he got home from work that next morning, he knew and we talked for a few. He decided that he wanted to start fresh so I agreed. We went out with the kids after that and spent the day at our county fair. I knew that he was miserable and we went home. When we got home, he went to bed and I found out that they had text each other more and called more since the time that I confronted him. By that evening he had moved out and decided that he wanted to be with this OW. So for the next month, I kept fighting the good fight. I kept telling him that I loved him and told him that all he had to do was make the decision to come home and work on things. It was all in his court.

Well, one morning while I was at church, he came walking in the door, sat down next to me and apologized. He also said that he was so sorry. He moved back in that very day. She was getting a divorce from her H and they were seperated. Come to find out, she had slept with her H that weekend, basically cheating on my H. He was devistated.

So he spent the next month at home which was a battle in itself. The first few days were great. We were cuddling, saying alot of ILYs and spending time together. Then he hit a wall. Depression, suicidal thoughts and thoughts about her. I tried so hard to be supportive but I was dying inside knowing that he was still pining for this OW. He kept calling her and she would call him. Let me just say that I had decided 2 days after I found out to forgive and fight for my marriage. I wasn't going to stop fighting. We began MC and had only been to one session.
He decided this weekend that he was moving back out. Can I just say that I am completely crushed?!?! We went to another counseling session last night which is, in my mind, encouraging. When we left, he asked me if I had scheduled the next one. I told him that it was up to him. He told me to go ahead.

He has told me that he doesn't know what he wants. That he has feelings for her. I know that he goes to her place because I drive by once in a while and will see his car. But he knows that I am not going to give up. That he, the marriage and the kids mean the world to me.

I made a decision a few days ago to stop calling him and let him have his space. That was the hardest thing in the world to do. I told him because I can't lie to him about anything. It is funny because he has since called me everyday. 4 times yesterday. I am trying to keep our R talk to the counseling sessions now but it will be hard. Our next appointment isn't until Dec 19th.

If anyone has any suggestions or comments, please let me know. I am keeping the faith and not wavering from my decision to fight for the marriage. It feels so right to do. I am also standing on the words to the Song "Stand" by Donnie McClurkin. Great song if any of you want an inspirational song.