The pursuit of happiness continues.......

[PArob]

Ellie,

Thanks for stopping by....I was just thinking about you. I recently came across some of your old posts on another site with regard to your D and was amazed. My goodness.....

The problem wasn't so much the Renfrew Center specifically, just the "fear" of giving up the ED in general, I believe. As far as inpatient programs go, I've heard such good things about it, but her problem was that she would have had to give up control....they monitored her 24/7, and focused on getting her to a healthy weight, while putting her through pretty intensive therapy. The problem was, she felt that they focused too much on the weight gain (uhm, no kidding) and not on the "underling problems". No amount of disucssion could get her to see that the two go hand in hand.

So, unfortunately, progess was stinted, but not completely stopped. It was a huge step in the right direction and fortunately, she is making baby steps. As I told her when she came home, after my initial disappointment, any progress is still progress. She is still seeing a T.

funny, that week really put me through the wringer. I remember how angry I was that she wasn't giving it a chance, how disappointed I was, etc. We argued quite extensively and then it dawned on me that I was being my old self and trying to control the siutation. Pre-DB, I would have been stubborn and Passively/Aggressively punished her for her decision. But a some point during the week, I came to terms with it and while I expressed my disappointment, told her that I also would support her continuing to seek treatment on her own terms. This was pretty powerful for her and also for me.

I guess the lesson to be learned is that we really have to step outside of old selves at times and really look at things from this new perspective. I find myself doing it more and more. Sure, I still fly off the handle at times, but the most powerful thing I have is the ability to recognzie the mistake and modify the behavior.

Yes, it is going to take a lot of intervention for her to ever get better. I'm frustated with her T becasue she is basically too busy to see my W on a very regular basis. In reality, my W should be seeing her T on at least a weekly basis, if not more. So, we have to work through that. Finding another one in our area is difficut.

I've tried to get my W to get into an intensive outpatient program in our area that would allow her to get more aggressive treatment, but allow her to be at home with us. She is not comfortable with that step just yet.

Thank you for your suggestions.....they are well taken. I will say that I've educated myself pretty well and she looks to me for a lot of answers on her ED. We discuss it openly and she knows that I have a good understanding of it. This is very important. She trusts me enough to be open about it.

As for referring to it as "ed", we have been doing that as well. Just the other day, as we were packing to go on a trip, she said "I wish I didn't have to live with Ed, I can't make any decisions (about what to wear)". So we have been referring to it in the third person, which, as you pointed out, can be helpful in identifying it as a "common" enemy.

And, mostly, thank you for the references. I will read through them quite extensively.

Thanks again for checking in, it means a lot to me.