In some ways, things are heading in the right direction, albeit very, very slowly. I still slip up now and again (just as recently as yesterday), but the important thing is that I've learned to identify those slips and take corrective action soon thereafter!
Piecing in this situation is hugely difficult because I recognize that I must shoulder a lot of the emotional burden....at this point, she just does not have the capacity to reciprocate to a healthy degree. It is what it is. She's constructed a shell that no amount of my love or support will break through....althoug it will help put cracks into it....but the real work is the therapy.
I frequent another board dedicated to EDs and some of the pearl of wisdoms I've gathered there can also be utilized in attempting to piece our broken marriages:
1. Learn how to provide intimacy she needs to trust you and to be truthful with you. She has to feel safe with you before she can give herself to you.
2. Learn to ask questions, advice you give, even though it probably is in her best interest, is ignored if she didn't ask for it. There's power in the words "how does that make you feel."
3. Understandt that when she ask for advice, she doesn't always want it. Instead, she wants validation. Ask questions that help her work through stuff on her own.
4. This one is more applicable to me, and I have to remind myself of it daily. Until she begins treatment, and perhpas for months after, her order of importance will be: her eating disorder, herself in a distant second place and I will be third, maybe, but by a long mile.
5.Keep yourself grounded and active. Get help when you need it. Be patient. Be available. Be loving. Try to do your best everyday.
6. Remember, perfection is impossible. You will not be the perfect husband. Her recovery will not be perfect.
Again, these are more for me (and I have these printed out and pasted on my wall at work to remind me), but there are some overarching principles that the LBS should adopt and utilize.
TL, I have been following your sitch to some degree. I still peruse the boards and I have to say that things seem to be looking up for you as well.
Mama, looks like your still plugging along too....overall, I think you're doing a fantastic job and it seems that your R is moving in the right direction....although not nearly as fast as you'd like it. Be patient, I think good things are coming your way.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
