Yuck, I did something bad this morning.

[toughlover]

I love dawgs.

My H is going on his first business trip since I found out about his A...but I'm being flooded with thoughts of "what ifs" How do I deal with this?

Hey, I was just there (kinda) about a month, month and a half ago. My W went to a wedding about 100 miles away that took her right through OM country.

I have no idea what will work for you, but I can tell you what I/we did.

First, I made a decision early on that I wanted this to be an opportunity for growth and building trust and did my best to set my mind firmly in this direction. I told my W this to make her feel better, cause she was concerned.

Second...I made sure to spend that day doing stuff with my boys and for my wife. That kind of tanked because the boys both got invited to go to friends' houses, which put me at home alone. So I prepared a special meal for W's return which, including the shopping, took most of the afternoon/evening, and kept me busy til an hour before she got back.

Third...in my case, I was really good and nice before she left. Didn't bring up any bad stuff and met her when she got off work, right before she left, and brought her some lunch from her favorite fast-food place to eat on the road, as well as a couple diet cokes, some cash, car phone charger, etc. So we left on good terms and that made me feel good (and her too, I think).

I still had a few twinges here and there...but I somehow got myself into this mindset where any time I felt a little rough, I'd do something nice for her around the house while she was gone. It was still hard at some points, but all that busy work and the attitude helped a lot.

So when she got home to a nice welcome, and some food (they didn't have anything she liked at the wedding), we were both in a good mood and had a nice time talking about the wedding and stuff.

The real benefit was that it DID manage to be an occasion for growing a little and trusting a little better. For me, that nothing would happen; for her, that it was possible for us to have a normal life without me turning everything into a problem linked to the past.