Don't feel too bad. I do similar things (and worse!).
Sadly I think it's really normal and I think we need to expect backslides. The trick is to minimize them, try to reduce them and eventually let go. I don't think it happens quickly, but that's what we need to work towards.
I think the trick is to try to work towards experiencing them less and less over longer and longer periods of time. You can even allow yourself some alone time with a pen and paper. Write down all your feelings in a letter to her or your husband and then burn it in a fireplace or put it through a shredder.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
