Ok, Last thread was filled with talk of stbxh (blah) and MUCHO TALK OF BIKINI WAXING Oh yeah, its a must read. BTW Thank you W2S, how do you know about bikini waxing? Liss, BA, All spanks, spanks a lot!
Ok Liss and i were discussing how our H's come over to watch children for there daddy time. BA suggested that we tell them one night here and one night there, or out, or something. YEah, good. But remember Puffy lives in BATCAVE and my H is too lazy.
Ok well i am afraid to even ask him cause...he is a jerk. Whenever i open my mouth, i am belittling him. I am a mean person who makes him feel awful and i always tell him stuff that isnt true. I make up a lot of stuff apparently. Just yesterday i reminded him that our D now goes to bed at 8:30 and if could give her a bath. UMMM, he freaked. He knows, why do i have to tell him. He has been a dad for 4 years, gosh!!! Well because her bedtime has changed and he never gives her a bath, he always says to remind him. SO I FREAKIN DID< and I GET ALIEN SH!T all over me!!!!!!!! AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGG....
Ok so bring to today. I get the following emails from him and i didnt bite the bait, well sort of did, but in a diff way.
This email was written to me today cause on Tues he got mad at me cause I told him casually,that my girlfriend saw him at the restaurant in New Haven, she said to tell you she said hi. He blew his stack. Apparently I am stalkin him. He said i need to keep my mouth shut and stop asking questions about his personal life. And then went on to say more crap. Basically blaming his life on me. Well i said to him, Sorry, you feel that way. I wasnt spying. Then i got a little upset. I said "what is wrong with you. I cant even say the littliest thing to you!" I told him i need time just stop calling etc. He got mad cause i reiterated that i need time alone, time to not talk to him. I told him because he is so angry at me he cant even have a conversation with me. Well then he emailed me.
FROM H First, just so I remember is it alright if I have Lexi at your house this evening and you’ll return at 7 so I can leave for the Red Door? ( I TOLD HIM PREVIOUSLY THAT HE COULDNT COME BY, BUT CHANGED MY MIND CAUSE IT WAS RAINING AND I DIDNT WANT MY D OUT GALAVANTING)
I just wanted to send a quick email too about something else – listen, I hate stress or tension in my life.
I already feel and impose enough of that on myself because I know regardless of my reasoning, that what I put you through towards the end of our relationship was shi@@y; just enough to be humanly possible to deal with.
So when any other shape or form of stress or tension enters my life – I freak, I withdrawal right away, I fight it – I just want it to stop.
And that is what you are witnessing, I apologize for my harshness sometimes, but I just can’t take anymore.
Please try and understand, one of my hugest issues with you before our split up was that I felt like you were constantly unhappy with me, constantly complaining about me, constantly nagging me (so anytime I see any form of that, it’s an immediate reaction that I would find very difficult to control). ( I WAS NAGGING AND COMPLAING, WHY CAUSE HE WAS SPENDING ALL HIS TIME WITH THE FREAKIN OW/MY SISTER, WELL DUH???)
Honestly, all I was trying to ask from you is you keep the negativity to yourself or to chose your battles (whatever way you want to say it). But making comments about YOUR SISTER, making comments about our daughter napping (HE USUALLY COMES OVER AND THEY TAKE A NAP, I ASKED IF HE WOULD REFRAIN, CAUSE THEN SHE WONT WANT TO SLEEP AT 830), choosing to discuss my decision to take my daughter to the movies instead of decorating a tree on a particular day as opposed to just delaying it for another day…
These are all things that aren’t necessary and only add to the negative feelings I might have
Those are just a few examples but I think you get the point. I would never question what you do with your daughter unless it was something that would harm her or adversely effect her – other than that, I respect you and I trust your abilities as an individual. All I am doing is looking for the same on my end. I get very frustrated because I can’t tell you how many times I feel like we’ve had this conversation.
It’s just a constant feeling of negativity and it makes me not want to deal
I can handle a comment or 2 here and there about your sister because it was all screwed up – I know this, I deserve this to some extent but beyond that I just want this to stop.
I don’t not want to speak to you – I just don’t want you to speak to me negatively…it’s like rubbing salt in an open wound (that’s what it feels like).
It needs to stop. So please accept my apology and also do your best to understand me as well
MY RESPONSE Please don’t reiterate anything to me anymore. Let us just leave well enough alone. Don’t bring it up anymore; I am done with conversing about how we speak to each other. If I choose not to speak with you it is because I honestly don’t want to say the wrong things anymore, I am sick and tired of it all too. So let’s move on. We only have our daughter to worry about and I think we are doing fine on that. Yes ok to have lexi at my place, but I indicated that I would be back between 7 to 7:30. Not right at 7. I like to allow myself the extra time in case I am running a few min late.
HIS RESPONSE Well if you don’t want to speak to me – I feel sorry for that (but yes I guess it’s better than being overtly negative) So whatever, I’m done too then (we are 2 different people on 2 different pages right now. I don’t like tension or things hanging over my head and I like to have resolution as soon as possible…you obviously need time for whatever reasons so I won’t try and enforce my sane peaceful way on you – and I’ll leave well enough alone as you say). And please do what you can but honestly 7:30 is really pushing it. 7:15 at the latest is all that really works for me – otherwise I need to drive her by my moms and you’ll have to grab her from there. Tell me now because I’ll plan on leaving to drive her by my mom’s then.
MY REPONSE Quote “you obviously need time for whatever reasons so I won’t try and enforce my sane peaceful way on you”
This is what I mean. You do it to me as well. When I try to do the right thing for me and you don’t agree with it…you take jabs at me. You get mad at me when I say things to you so why is this any different? This is why I don’t want to talk. It is freaking ridiculous. I am not being mean; I am doing what is best for me, not you. Please stop.
OK I DID TAKE THE BAIT A LITTLE I JUST REALIZED AFTER READING IT. I JUST DONT WANT CONTACT WITH HIM. HE MANAGES TO TURN MY "HELLO" INTO A PERSONAL ATTACK AGAINST HIM. UGH.
HIS LAST RESPONSE I am so sorry… See I saw that right after I sent that and was re-reading it and I thought to myself – she’s going to take that the wrong way All I was saying was to me “wanting things not hanging over my head and having resolution” is sane and peaceful I understand how you took it but I did not mean it that way, and you can’t really compare the two – mine was not a direct knock on you at all…I said nothing about you directly – it got misconstrued that way If I wanted to insult you, I would just say something like you are mean and malicious and you suck, blah blah blah So again sorry – but I did not mean that in any way towards you, that was reflective upon how I realize you deal with things differently (hence the 2 people on different pages, and that sane and peaceful was a reflection upon myself and how I think I try and handle things…I was not trying to say anything about you).
The only thing I have to say is what I did, I am sorry you feel like you don’t want to speak to me That’s all
OK so why do i even bother? Cause yes, i can be a pain in the a$$, sometimes i dont know when to leave well enough alone. i am trying, still. I am learning. I just hate being attacked for nothing! I am tired of bending over backwards to accomodate him and make things "rosy" for him. Screw him. It is time for me now. I am doing what i want to do and what makes me happy.
Ok. I feel better, i needed to vent out my frustrations.
thanks guys.
Trying
Sorry again
7:15-yes I will be there by then.
Silla
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on....Robert Frost
Hey Liscous! My emails to him are too long or his to me? BOTH huh? Blah! I just dont want to even bother. It takes to much energy to be angry and too much energy to not. So i am in the middle and more or less i just dont care. Not in a sad pathetic way. I am just to the point that let him do what he needs. I have let go...
Anywho...HMMMMMMMMMMMM, Angel South????
An Angel who lives in the South huh? Actually that is a good name! It implies a lot and the men would love it!!! Way to Go!
Silla
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on....Robert Frost
Whenever i open my mouth, i am belittling him. I am a mean person who makes him feel awful and i always tell him stuff that isnt true. I make up a lot of stuff apparently. Just yesterday i reminded him that our D now goes to bed at 8:30 and if could give her a bath. UMMM, he freaked. He knows, why do i have to tell him. He has been a dad for 4 years, gosh!!! Well because her bedtime has changed and he never gives her a bath, he always says to remind him. SO I FREAKIN DID< and I GET ALIEN SH!T all over me!!!!!!!! 
