I know what you are going through. But, your mind is obsessed with him right now. Every sentence that you type has something about him in it. Find something else, something healthier to focus on. I know you're hurting, it's ok to be in pain. The tendency is to resist and fight the pain. Stop fighting and just accept that things are the way they are. Once you accept this, decide what you want to do next for you and the kids.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
