I gotta keep hope alive! OM is gone. . . .

[not_giving_up]

You sound like you are doing much better with all of this. That is great to see. It is true that it takes 2 forgivers in a marriage. I just had that discussion with my H. He only sees the small mistakes that I have made in our marriage and is using that as justification for what he is doing. But yet, I can forgive him for everything that he has done wrong, especially this A. Doesn't make too much sense, does it?

My suggestion would be to continue following your faith. That is going to give you more strength than you will ever know. I know that even though my sitch is so up in the air right now, it doesn't seem to have me down. I just keep having faith and hope that he will come to his senses and come home. I guess that is what we all have to pray for.

Good luck with everything and keep me posted. You are one of my faithful checker-uppers.

Have a good evening!

[not_giving_up]

unfortunately PM is disabled. You can shoot me an email if you like [e-mail].

[Spirit_of_Hope]

I shot you a message, NGU.

TT

[Spirit_of_Hope]

Here is the latest. . . .

I didn't call home at all yesterday. That was huge. It isn't easy.

When I got home my wife gave me grief about something but I didn't make a big deal out of it and pretty much let it go.

I started to make dinner for my sons and she suggested that we all go out to eat as a family. So we did. She does like it when we all get together and go out together since we can't do it much.

While she was getting ready she said that she needed to talk to me about her plans this weekend. She said that she had a long conversation with OM and that she was going to Denver to get some stuff off of her chest with him and make amends. She said she felt like she used him and that is not the kind of person that she is. She said that the visit is not going to be physical in nature. . . .who knows?

From the way that she told me I tend to believe her.

I did my best to remain positive. I was quite pleased that she actually told me this and didn't lie about the trip. . . . .originally she told me she was going to visit a girlfriend in Little Rock.

I told her that she needs to do what she needs to do and that I really appreciate her honesty. I didn't make a scene or anything. I didn't even comment when she said that she told OM that I probably think that she is going there to sleep with him but even if I did think that it is none of my business!!

Whose business is it?!?!?!?!

Anyways we actually had a nice dinner out, laughed a little, etc. She did make a comment at dinner that it was symbolic that she lost her wedding band this past week. I came back and said well. . . . .maybe that means that we need NEW wedding bands to start a new marriage. She said that she would have to fall in love with me again and made a comment that she thinks it would be better if we lived in separate homes. We didn't dwell on that and it kind of faded away.

Well, when we got home I was pretty tired. I asked her if she would help me get the boys ready for bed. She said that she would take care of it. I thanked her and said goodnight. . . .I didn't give her a kiss or an ILY and pretended like it didn't bother me a bit.

One day at a time. . . . .just hope I can get through the weekend and that when she comes back that she will be through with OM. Time will tell.

SOH

[not_giving_up]

Got it and you have one coming your way!

[not_giving_up]

If I were you, just wait until she comes back from her trip and let her actions do the talking. I have heard similar things from my H and then 2 days later goes back on his word. It is so hard to question everything that they say to you but you have remember to guard yourself against getting hurt over and over again. Remember that her actions will speak volumes.

[Aud31]

Hi SOH, I think you are handling this trip thing very nicely. What are you going to do for you and your boys this weekend?

[Spirit_of_Hope]

Thanks. It hasn't been easy keeping all of these emotions bottled up but I have done a good job the last two days just NOT CARING what she does. I am going to make myself happy and be a good father and husband. If she wants to join in on the fun. . .great. If not, it is her loss. Of course, this is how I am ACTING. . . . .It is a different story on the inside. . . .fake it, 'til you make it.

My wife actually told me today that the reason we can't go visit her parents in NC is because we don't have enough $$. Funny that we have enough $$ to go visit other man in another state!!! A's really do make them stupid. Let's see. . . .parents who haven't seen their grandkids in a year or get "closure" with OM?? Whatever.

The PMA has gotten easier day by day. I want to join some club or take a class or something. If she wants to join me she can but I don't need her to. I am going to start going to church to.

I didn't call her again today She sent ME an email that said that she hoped I was having a nice day and some other info. I didn't read until late in the day and found something else to do besides respond.

I have not been rude or ignored her while at home. Just kind of friendly/indifferent. No ILY's and no kisses for her when I leave for work (used to be routine) and go to bed. Just a very friendly goodnight and off to sleep. I have to admit I do put my arm around her when she is asleep. I do miss my wife

TT

[Spirit_of_Hope]

I am probably going to take my boys to the park and maybe go downtown to see the lights in Chicago.

I forgot to say that I told my wife when she was planning her trip that I told her, "Good, I am looking forward to spending some time alone with my kids."

[not_giving_up]

That sounds great.

I think the hardest part for me is the no ILYs. I feel if I don't say them, then he will forget or if I do say them, I am pressuring him into a decision. I am confused on that aspect.

I think getting back into church is a great idea. That will give you another support group. You don't know how much strength my church has given me.

Have a great day!