I had to change my name and start a new thread because a few months ago my wife was reading my logs. I haven't journaled in a long time because my sitch was getting a bit better and my wife was reading my posts.
Since my wife has been in Chicago I have confronted other man. I don't recommend this but felt it needed to be done. He didn't know what was going on. He actually thought my wife and I were not living together and he was thinking about moving to Chicago. My wife blew up at me for ruining their "friendship" but has since not mentioned it (it has been about 3 months since that happened).
My wife has also admitted to the PA with the OM. It broke my heart and I have had a really hard time getting over this situation. I don't think that my wife has really let this guy go. I know that she has had some correspondence with him. . . . .like once or twice over the last 2-3 months. I saw that she has him listed in her myspace account as a person who isn't listed as her friend but to where she can keep track of him and I noticed a few weeks ago that she had an email from him in her inbox when we were sitting next to each other on the couch.
Basically, my wife still has a lot of resentment and MAJOR anger toward me for leaving her during our marriage. She says this is why she was able to have the affair because she was going to get a divorce. But since I screwed up her plan by calling the OM she is still with me.
Things have hit a rough patch over the last several weeks. We were moving in the right direction even though she refuses to go to counseling. She says that her disdain for me may take years to subside.
It is hard for me to hear this as I have tried to be very patient and give her space. Sometimes I feel that if I give her too much space that she will slip away. Is that possible??
Also, we have sex hardly ever. Probably about 4 times in 4 months. I asked her about it today. She said that she can deal with the sex but doesn't want the intimacy.
Why doesn't she want to take steps toward fixing things like going to a counselor?? I feel like we are spinning our wheels sometimes. We never talk about anything and when we do it turns into a big fight. I feel like I am pushing her away.
I think I need to brush up on my DBing since it has been about 4 months since I read the book. I was going to a counselor by myself for a couple of months but I stopped going because I felt like I was wasting $$ since I think that we need to be there together to work on things.
Sometimes I wish she would just give me a sign that she isn't going to give up on our marriage.
I think that she still longs after the OM. But on the other hand she has pretty much cut off all contact with him so that is a good sign.
In hindsight, we are in a much better place than we were three months ago. Just lately I have been much more needy and I think that I am pushing her away.
I have been trying to keep a PMA and GAL. . . . .been working out some with a buddy at work. It does help keep my mind off of things.
She says though that she just can't change her feelings. . . .i.e. she can't stop hating me for being the WAS before. I tried to affirm her feelings as much as possible.
Why don't they ever affirm our feelings?
I think I just need to be slapped around by some wise DBer's.
Any help appreciated.
Thoughts??
Thanks, SOH
M 34
H 34
Together 8 yrs
Married 7 yrs
Son 2 1/2
Son 2 1/2
SD 12
