Wow woman, there are lot's of words flying around in your mind.
Downshift.
Breath deep, slow down. Too many details to weigh. Lots of red herrings here.
No amount of consideration of so many details will give you any more confidence that any decision is the right one, than if you narrow this down to a few basic overiding issues - and face them. Who are you trying to convince, and who do you really need to convince? This jury has been given so much detail they forgot the charges.
He cut you out of his life and made eratic decisions that affect everyone in the family with no regard for anything but what he wanted. Is that who you M, or is that the guy about to turn 50 ... mlc?
How many guys at 50 are still trying to grow their earning ability dramatically instead of finding the best way to retire asap and play with momma?
If this is who you M and this is how he has always been, why so surprised now? I don't think so. I see mlc all over it, but haven't met the man. You have.
If it is mlc and you are detailing the last 18 months, review the mlc basics some more. You are seeing signs he is popping up out of the tunnel and looking for a safe place. He does not want to fully face his guilt or actions and hopes you will join his party. I'm not reading about his signs of crisis stage depression that herald Acceptance and Withdrawel like we typically see in the final stages. Maybe he is ahead of his class. Most mlc that return to the real world are gone a couple years up to five or more.
He misses you more than when he started this journey, so he is not totally gone. Is he totally finished with his mlc?
How can you make decisions for yourself or the kids unless you know? Do I need to repeat myself?
You are tossing around all kinds of "what if" so let me confuse you some more. "What if" he is not done with his mlc and you drag the family up there. "What if" it is not the life he thought it would be? "What if" it does not make him happy? "What if" you just can't do it when you get there, or hate him forever for making you? First, you will hate yourself for doing it, then him.
Then what? What eratic thing might he do next in his search for his lost happiness or meaning of life?
Do I want you all to be happy? More than anything else. Have you convinced me that such a move would make that happen? You haven't convinced yourself, so why me?
You said before that some parts of the cold state are prettier than others. Is he asking you to move to the place you would be happy or one that would make him happy? Is he considering a split family in one state that would reduce his weekend commute, and does it even matter? What do you want?
If you can't have what you think you want right now... how much are you willing to give up as you look for a settelment resolution?
If you have made it 18 months, can you make it 19 without deciding anything? Or 20, or more? The longer you consider your inner feelings and thoughts, these things will happen.
You will become more guided in your decision, more confident.
He will have more time to complete his inner journey, and contemplate how comfortable he is living out his daily life that far from family.
Are you telling us he has gone and gotten high pay credentials now that are only valid in one state in our country, that he can not now go get in Cali, or any other state if he desired? Or is the cold state just the one he has decided to live his last days in? There could be a lot of them ahead. Do you want to live yours in a place you honestly don't want to be? Or with someone you aren't honestly sure is himself again?
