Hi J - Wow, I think what I hear you say is that you want to stay in Cali with the girls and let them continue with school and be in the sun. It would be awesome if H would come "home" and join you. It sounds like you love him still, but also love your new life here. You've found that you can have a life on your own, and that is tempting isn't it?
I followed my H to Seattle – the weather was the worst for 7 long years! Great job, great friends, the kids still call it home, but I was miserable there. We've been in Socal now for 6 years, and I love the weather and the beautiful surroundings, but now my H has an opportunity to move to AZ for a great job. At first he wanted us all to go, and then he said "he" would just go until D16 graduates next year, and then it was he was going without us and we'll see what happens down the road. Wonder in my case if OW got invited. Doubt it though.
I'm sorry you have this choice to make, but it sounds like you have your bases covered. Don't sell the house – good plan with Socal real estate. Wait until your D graduates – that's a must. Is it worth a try to see if it can work again, even if it's in AK? Intelligent and bossy – sure it's not my H? I wish I could tell you the best choice, but from reading what everyone here posts, they would give anything to have a chance to be with their S and be happy again. I get what you are saying though – some days I wonder why I would want to be with someone who is so controlling, critical, etc… then I look at my kids and remember how we got here … over 25 years of hard work and teamwork, and I can't imagine not having him in my life. What a crummy dilemma. I know that I would quit what I consider to be the best job I've ever had, leave my son and his wife (who moved here last year) and uproot my D17 (after graduation) to move to AZ if I thought we could save our M. But! I've only been separated for 6 months, with 2-3 "ugly" years before that. You have 18 months of building a new life behind you, and that is a big deal. You have to do what's right for you and the girls. I'll have to go with BND and ask "what's in your heart?" only you know that.
I wish I could tell you the best choice, but from reading what everyone here posts, they would give anything to have a chance to be with their S and be happy again. I get what you are saying though – some days I wonder why I would want to be with someone who is so controlling, critical, etc… then I look at my kids and remember how we got here … over 25 years of hard work and teamwork, and I can't imagine not having him in my life. What a crummy dilemma. I know that I would quit what I consider to be the best job I've ever had, leave my son and his wife (who moved here last year) and uproot my D17 (after graduation) to move to AZ if I thought we could save our M. But! I've only been separated for 6 months, with 2-3 "ugly" years before that. You have 18 months of building a new life behind you, and that is a big deal. You have to do what's right for you and the girls. I'll have to go with BND and ask "what's in your heart?" only you know that.