Quote: she never had a chance to experience what another guys is like because we got together so young
I feel that way too about my sitch. I think that kind of history is what will get you through this successfully. Nobody can replace or compare since you two have been together so long. I am learning the importance of becoming friends again and for us, we just need this time get some kink ironed out. However, I completely understand your position about working on yourself and wanting to share it with the one you love. I cannot imagine spending my life with anyone else and fear that my trying to DB so much and so hard will cause us to falter. SG, you and I have this passion for our R because of how we grew up and refuse to be just another broken M. Your W will see her expectations are too much, just keep your dignity adn remember PATIENCE (I have to remind myself of this EVERYDAY!).
Yes my wife did mention D at a couple different points. Each time I said I didn't want one, but I couldn't stop her from filing if she wanted to. I also told her I would never file so if she wanted a D she would have to do it. Each time she agree to give it more time but gave me it's hopeless attitude.
I got the same it's hopeless attitude from her yesterday and she seem like she is full steam ahead. I don't think I'm going to worry too much about her word or her actions. She was the same way back in June when she first left.
In retrospect at times I think she thought she wanted a D but when it came down to it, she could not pull the trigger or deep down she wanted the marriage to work but she just did not see it happening.
I think my W is in the same boat, because she ask me a few times do I want her to come home? But I don't think she will go through with the D, she was very emotional yesterday and was worried about me being ok.
That being said she was hinting at a D just a couple of weeks before she initiated the reconciliation. So at the end of the day I think she was confused and scared and the guilt of breaking up our family was too much for her.
My W was telling me that she was feeling guilty for doing this and I was making her feel guilty. I told her that I can't make you feel guilty. Well I think that there is still hope, I going to have to go with the LRT again.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
Quote:
I feel that way too about my sitch. I think that kind of history is what will get you through this successfully. Nobody can replace or compare since you two have been together so long. I am learning the importance of becoming friends again and for us, we just need this time get some kink ironed out. However, I completely understand your position about working on yourself and wanting to share it with the one you love. I cannot imagine spending my life with anyone else and fear that my trying to DB so much and so hard will cause us to falter. SG, you and I have this passion for our R because of how we grew up and refuse to be just another broken M. Your W will see her expectations are too much, just keep your dignity adn remember PATIENCE (I have to remind myself of this EVERYDAY!).
Thanks again for your kind and encouraging words S4N,
That’s so true, my changes are for me but I want my life partner to reap the benefits of my hard work. Hopefully she will stop and take a look at our history and realize that she the one that made me into the wonderful man that I am today! She was also complaining that our relationship started off rocky and over time it became better and better. But she said what she wants is a normal relationship, one that starts off great and goes down hill as the relationship progresses!? (ok, I know that sound crazy but that’s what she said.) Things like this is what make me think that she is young and very confused.
I’m so good with patience some day and other days I rather not talk about. Like today after work I want to go and sit at her apartment and watch her door and see if anyone come and go! That’s crazy but that’s how I feel sometimes, I don’t think I will do it, but I sure want to!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
Quote: Like today after work I want to go and sit at her apartment and watch her door and see if anyone come and go! That’s crazy but that’s how I feel sometimes, I don’t think I will do it, but I sure want to!
Same here! However, I know that if I saw something I could not bring it up and I would be SOOOO hurt. Besides everything that I have been suspicous about has been wrong anyway...or H is good at explaning things away(?). Remember you are seeing things through emotionally jaded eyes.
I did not realize the age difference between you two until just now. Not that it is THAT significant of a difference but if you feel it contributes to her immaturity and that in turn causes the problems in your M then it is an issue to look at.
Not sure what she means by downhill unless she misspoke. Have you ever considered things were going too good and she got frightened? We can be our own worst enemy while waiting on the proverbial "other shoe" to drop.
Quote: Like today after work I want to go and sit at her apartment and watch her door and see if anyone come and go! That’s crazy but that’s how I feel sometimes, I don’t think I will do it, but I sure want to!
Same here! However, I know that if I saw something I could not bring it up and I would be SOOOO hurt. Besides everything that I have been suspicous about has been wrong anyway...or H is good at explaning things away(?). Remember you are seeing things through emotionally jaded eyes.
I've been wrong all the time also, but it doesn't make any sense to me about what she's doing. I ask her did she have someone else and she said no, and ask me why would I think that? I told her that this is just not adding up in my head.
I did not realize the age difference between you two until just now. Not that it is THAT significant of a difference but if you feel it contributes to her immaturity and that in turn causes the problems in your M then it is an issue to look at.
I don't think that the age difference is a problem, she will be 30 in 3 months.
Not sure what she means by downhill unless she misspoke.
What she ment by that is R start off good and get bad over time, but ours was the opposite. Not so great in the beginning and got better over time.
Have you ever considered things were going too good and she got frightened? We can be our own worst enemy while waiting on the proverbial "other shoe" to drop.
That is another possibility, we were going good, but she always found something to complain about in the R and I fixed whatever she complained about. She could have been scared that things were too good. She often ask if I would ever leave her and that she feared that I would one day.
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
Ok, now I'm really the King of backsliding, JazzGtr and CM eat you heart out!!!!!
Tonight was the worse night ever and I think I expedited my DIVORCE process with W. I had a feeling that I needed to go by W’s APT and I did. I get there and I herd a male’s voice coming from the inside? So I call her on her cell, she didn’t answer the first few times and then she comes outside to take my call. I ask her who was in there? I ask her two more times and she finally said it was a guy from work, I was a little mad at first. She told me that he came over to use her computer and that nothing was going on, I believe her. But I told her that I was upset that some other man can come to her APT and I can’t come over, I was hurt! Nothing is going on and I totally trust her, the problem is that she doesn’t trust me anymore not to come by and she said that she doesn’t feel safe. She said that she was going to file for D and she is going to move again. She was not sure at first about filing, now it’s full speed ahead! What the hell did I do!!!!????
But I still feel that she’s not going to file, call me crazy. I told her that I would not do that again and I told her I was not sure why I had a feeling that I had to go by and she said that she knew that I was over there. I told her that we are connected mentally, like it or not. How could we both have those feelings. So I told her that I was truly sorry and I would not do it again, I ask her if a girl was at the house to use our computer how would she feel? She never answered. I hope that I am right on this one and she won’t file, I know I made her feel unsafe and I might have took this too far. This was the first time that I went by there in 2 and a half months. I need prayers now guys, please!
Me: 37 WAW: 31 M: 6 Years No Kids BOMB: 9/4/06 D: 9/16/07 my sitch
Ok SG...what did we JUST talk about regarding the stalking?!?! Even when you find something out it usually is not what it seems AND you could never confess to seeing (or hearing) something or it will take you farther away from your goal. Now I am done with the hand slapping...
Your W just said those things out of anger. She was angry that you were spying and that you confronted her right then about it. I will say "good call" on the turning the scenario around! My H gets all serious and jealous if I mention dating or anything and (I know this is childish and I have stopped but...)I do it just so he knows what I am feeling when I get to thinking there may be an OW.
Now, oh king of backsliding, next time you feel the urge to spy... go to the movies, go to a batting cage, crank some tunes in your car (that is NOT parked in front of your apt.) and sing along while taking a spin (that is NOT on the streets around your apt.).
SG- You know those little feelings you get? Don't go with them. It took me a while (and I'm still working on it) to realize I needed to give myself some time before I REACTED to those emotions. Don't do that anymore. Give yourself time.
I agree with JG....go dark now. This will be hard, but you don't have kids. The only reason to talk to her at this point will be b/c of finances. And even then I don't know how much of an ememrgency that would be.
As far as the OM goes....don't ASSUME anything. He could be over there for computer use. He could be over there b/c they are lovers. I know you don't want to think that way and I hope it's not true but if you are going to ASSUME then you have to ASSUME everything.
DO NOT believe anything they tell you. EVER!!! My W is still trying to be honest on occassion but she will lie about even the smallest things.
I hate to see you in this place, but you need to prepare yourself for the worst. Hope for the best and expect the worst!!!
Keep your head up man.
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
PMA BABY PMA 