W. is crazy. Gave me the bomb in August and I moved out October to give her space (I was pursuig, clinging, all the wrong stuff). I want to come back and she has said no. She wants a D. But has not done a damn thing. Still not looking for job. (Frankly I think she is indecisive) She wants me to fix house, buy her car, etc. She has treated me like crap, then acts bubbly. I have had enough. I am strongly thinking of filing and get things moving. If she want to reconcile it is her move. I see no chance of reconciliation with the status quo, as a matter of fact she has made that very clear. She will not let me have the kids over night or crash on the sofa at the house to enjoy the kids longer that a baby sitter would! I am living in a crappy apartment because I do not want to spend family money on a large one (that I could have my kids crash at!) Most of the furniture at the house is mine from before the marriage and she thinks I should buy her new stuff. She wants to fix up house and maybe in a year file. I want to just quit spending money and get this thing moving. Why wait? If she wants a d. fine, "Don't wish for something, you might get it!" I do love her, but I am tired of living in a prison without my kids! I found a great place. I want to move in, get some of my furniture and start the d. to avoid her constant nagging about new car, fixed house etc. I have asked her to go to counseling but she has been ambivolent and now refuses. I admit I have been impatient to try to reconcile this relationship. I think waiting on filing the d. will only continue to torture my relationship with kids, drive me crazy living in this hell hole and dig deep in my pockets. I have no problem in reconciliation, but she has to come to the table. I think she really does not know the damage a divorce can do and thinks the grass is greener. How can a 44 year old woman going on 45 with 3 kids in tow and no work ethic make it? Yeah I know I will have to support her for a while, but she has the education to get a job, just not the drive. No problem paying child support. I just want to get on with my life and stop the abuse!
OK I am ranting, so someone give me some words of wisdom. In our most recent fight she said fixing the kitchen up to allow our kids to have friends over is more important than my relationship with the kids. That was in response to my argument that I need a larger apartment and did not think we can fix the kitchen up at this time. That really hurt and is the drive of this rant.
I am sleeping on the decision, but I am ready to act!
