stay with the Go Dark plan and expect nothing. As my db coach said, when they call, LISTEN LIKE A LOVER but be busy and upbeat the Be the one to End the conversation b/c of your interesting fun life and all the things you have to do and all the people you have to meet,etc.
The break up book is hilarious. BUT it's about putting the pain behind us and some stiffening up of our spines for those of us ready to quit trying, its about mocking the idiots who left us and laughing behind their backs (not that we don't ever do that here...) but really it is a book about M/Rs that are OVER.
THE DB program is for those of us not quite ready to throw in the towel, or those of us who are damned sure we do NOT want the M to end at all. The solution based therapy that DB uses, as I understand it, is premised on the beliefs that A) people CAN change and B) one person in a 2 person R can change the R, or its' dynamics, simply by changing themself.
Changing the dynamic in a R is great but does not always mean reconciliation... but if we improve as individuals, the R does too. THat increases the chance but does not guarantee, that the M works out.
GAL, b/c ALL the action plans call for that
I wrote a post about piecing together b/c it's harder than I thought and my H wants back in with clarity. Please see if you can find it b/c I got some very thoughtful answers and some may help you. But again, my H is sure (he says and I believe) he wants to be in our M, although not necessarily where me and the kids live--long story---but check out the responses from the Wise Ones. Plus, Your H is still in his MLC or whatever it is, and is verbalizing every single second thought he has, to your detriment. "Don't believe anything he says and only half of what he does" is the mantra for most of us LBSers with the MLC types.
They have to figure it out themselves...you can't solve the puzzle or hang over their shoulder urging them to fix a piece, it is THEIRS to fix...detach, go dark, GAL and have zero expectations...imho, it's your best option.
good luck, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
