Making a long story short because I don't have much time. Spent Saturday evening and sunday with family because d10 Birthday. Slept in same bed as wife last night. We got along great everything was nice. Tonight I have kids at my house and wife asked me to go to church with her. After church when she was droping me back at home she informed me she was taking the co-parenting class that we both have to take before we can get a d. I haven't taken class yet. I was hurt by this and she seen that I was then went to leave and said she was taking class because she is a terrible mother not because she is taking another step toward d. I said she was not a terrible mother and we would not be in this position if I had been a beter husband and father. I said that I was cruising along OK because I figured we would be taking more steps toward D. and since we were not I thought that things were going pretty good. Now I see we are taking another step toward D. She said this was not a step toward D she just needed to find out what is going on with the kids. Then she left. I am so confused
The ride is over. M 38 WAW 39 08/06 out to give WAW space Bomb 10/06 Back Home 2/07 New Bomb 4/17/07 WAW out 06/07 Trying again 09/07 Another Bomb 11/23/07 WAW moved back home 12/14/07 WAW moved back out 2/2/08 D 12 S 9
If you ever learn anything from me (which you probably will only learn what not to do!!)....learn this....NO D TALK!!! It just puts the thought back into their heads. I've learned this the hard way.
You are in piecing for God's sake....why would you even bring up the D? Maybe she was just testing you to see how you would react?
Brother man......She has guilt and shame...It's normal. You still need to let her do what she needs to do for herself. Don't worry about the D...keep worrying about you. Just cause you are in piecing doesn't mean you can go back to focusing on her actions and what she is doing all the time. You havve to continue to focus on you!!!!
Ok..maybe I am way off base here....but...<<<<THWACK>>> 2x4 w/ my .02 right at ya!!
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
No jersting, I have not given up on you. I was sure it hadn't been that long but after going back in your thread, I thought it was strange too that I had not posted to you in awhile.
Anyway, as you may get from my most recent post on my thread, I have my own failings to deal with right now but you seem to be doing fine.
I would second the motion that you really can't keep reading so much into everything that your W says or does. In terms of this class she wants you to take, if you have to take it in order to D, um, that seems like a GREAT way to not participate in the process. If she has to get a court order to MAKE you take it, then that's just more work for her to do. It's not that you are trying to stonewall or be an a$$, you're just not going to go out of your way to facilitate her getting what SHE wants.
Also, please stop feeling her hood or anything else of hers to try to figure out where it's been! Just because she drove her car recently DOES NOT allow you to paint an accurate picture of what she's been up to.
I will try to check in more often. I think you have been in pretty good hands though.
Hey Jersting, what the hell man? Dude, you must stop mentioning the D word. She did not imply anything about a D. In fact she keeps telling you she is not saying D, so quit freakling out. You have to learn to control your thoughts better my friend. Maybe you need to read back through your own threads and look at how far you have come. Maybe that would show you that things are ok in comparison to where they have been.
Let me show you what I mean my friend, when you touched her car, maybe you were right and she didnt stay home. Maybe she was at that friends house breaking down because of how her family is right now and being only a week away from Christmas. Maybe she is scared to death because she just wants her family and marriage back and its just not that simple.
You need to get your mind right and quick Jerst, before you make a huge mistake. In fact I would even suggest that you inquire about you taking the parenting class as well to show good faith with her. Also quit shouldering all the blame, try using we more than I . You both screwed up my man and that is ok. You are allowing your own insecurities to damage your progress, lighten up man. She does love you, she does want to work it out, you have to give her the space, minus the pressure, to do so.
Quote: In fact I would even suggest that you inquire about you taking the parenting class as well to show good faith with her.
Maybe. I see this point since she did say more than once that the class was not about getting a divorce. My problem is that he mentioned that it was a requirement in order for a D to happen. Why add another brick to that house when you don't even want to live there?
Good faith, maybe. Like I said, this seems tricky to me.
I agree 100% that you really need to reel in this paranoia. It will get you nowhere...fast.
I agree 100% that you really need to reel in this paranoia. It will get you nowhere...fast.
GH
And how does one go about doing this GH? Paranoia has been eating me alive also lately. The hopeless feelings. Thought stopping works for a while but the crap just creeps back in.
M-35 going on 15 D-8 S- 3 yrs ex-CL(w)- 30
D over one year
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be. Douglas Adams "Just Be"
Replying to CM GH and SFA, W called last night and told me that the class she is taking is in no way another step toward D. I replied with I'm sorry I probably over reacted and with time I will know what is happening. She told me she was sorry for hurting me. I told her that I would be fine and she didn't have to worry about it. She has called me 3 or 4 more times since last night and she has hinted about us spending time together tonight. I have been wondering what to do about tonight of whether or not I should have something else to do. I have came to the conclusion that I am going to play it by ear. If we get together and things seem alright. I will stay awhile. If things take a turn for the worst I am going to have something that I have to go do. As for my paranoia, I was able to go out and ride my dirtbike for a few hours today and I feel great. MX riding has been something that I have done since I was very young and I love it. I have not taken much time to do it recently because of the weather and every thing else going on right now. I am going to make it a point to go riding at least once a week. Even if I do end up divorced I will be fine. I know this now and I think if she is playing me, I will come out the better man because I allowed her to play me and I did not loose my spirit through it. Thanks for the replies.
The ride is over. M 38 WAW 39 08/06 out to give WAW space Bomb 10/06 Back Home 2/07 New Bomb 4/17/07 WAW out 06/07 Trying again 09/07 Another Bomb 11/23/07 WAW moved back home 12/14/07 WAW moved back out 2/2/08 D 12 S 9
You once and for all finally get that this IS NOT ABOUT HER, OR WHAT SHE'S DOING OR NOT.
Really, it's like a switch you have to throw but when you do, you'll go from rare moments of sanity and self control to rare moments of paranoia.
As long as you see her actions/affair as the primary issue here, you'll not be able to handle this without a certain level of stress. Sure, easier said than done, but it's also true.
Really, what are you thinking about that you need to stop? You're thinking about the "what if's" and what if you're just wrong, dead wrong? That thought, along with the idea of it not being about the affair should give you reasonable doubt that your paranoia is no good.
