Quote: She went out side to smoke and asked me to come out with her.
Good sign. That was an opportunity for you to 180 and just be there for her.
Quote: I went out and messed up a little by asking her "do you know where I stand with you?" She replied yes and I asked if she would share with me. She just ignored me and we went back in. After a little while I decided to leave and she walked me to the door. I asked one more time if she was going to share with me.
Yes, you messed up a little. Good that you recognize. Don't do it again! No guarantees but it sounds like you're making some decent progress. Now more than ever you got to cowboy up and quit prodding. That's pressure. It makes her feel like she's being poked by aliens. Don't do it.
Quote: She said don't push, we are getting along good.
Take her advice, dangit. If she can say something like that, that's good stuff. Baby steps! You've got a little sapling in the ground there that's getting some nourishment and starting to grow. Every time you ask that question is like yanking that sapling up and sticking it somewhere else in the yard. It not only stunts progress, it harms the sapling a little. Don't wear it out, bro.
Quote: I didn't say anything else.
Good.
Quote: We hugged and I left.
Also good!
Quote: I am having a hard time with this sitch.
We all do.
Quote: My patience are getting the best of me.
It gets us all. You have to just cowboy up and git'r'done.
Quote: I feel like she is just playing me to keep me around till after the holidays and she is going to go ahead with the D. I hope I am wrong, but with me feeling this way, it makes it hard to just go along status quo
2x4 time. I doubt she's doing that but who knows? Maybe she is. You are probably wrong, but the real issue here is you're not detaching, bro.
Your attitude right now seems to be "Oh man my W knows the future and I don't and I'm just at the mercy of whatever her plans for the future are."
That ain't gonna get you where you want to be.
What about changing your attitude to "Even my W doesn't know the future and right now the actions I take are helping to create the future so what kind of future do I want to create? One in which I'm continually miserable because I'm too dependent on my W and end up making her miserable too, or one in which I'm a strong individual and loving my W out of that strength which gives her a real opportunity to start digging that again?"
Seems to me, your wife is a little open to you, and all you're doing is making her want to close the door. Instead, when she's that open, she IS telling you where you stand with her and she's probably pissed at you for trying to force her to make some sort of declaration. I did the exact same thing to my W and it made all the good stuff I did seem insignificant by comparison.
Instead, when she's a little open, why not just give her some time and space to get comfortable leaving the door open? It'll probably make her want to open it wider when she sees she can do that without you pulling out the pokers and the prods
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. -- Inigo Montoya, 'The Princess Bride'
