I dunno what to say,,, like I said I do not feel like I am real wise and able to give you specific advice or pointers,, I know you love your Wife,, I didnt try to say you are being overtly manipulative,, but trust me I have been thru this and that is how she will see it if it is not genuine,, my h told me I was just acting when I decided to inplement change within myself he was SCARED. He could not trust me to really be this new me....he felt I was just doing this til WHAM I got you again and now I will just sit back and be the old me again....

So this will not just get awesome overnite.

BUT,,

little by little you can do this,, if she is willing to come over tonite FANTASTIC!!!!

I would say be attentive but not overly anxious,, be loving and listen to her and listen some more,, when I stopped talking so much and trying to fix him my H found himself by himself.

it is kind of like what you do for your children you want to guide them but you neeed for them to grow at their own pace in order to be full adults.

She needs you to be strong b/c right now she feels not so strong and by strong I do not mean treat her like she is a kid but be loving and caring and help her to feel like you are really there for her without her feeling like you expect anything.
Again I really do want to help you but it is very hard for me to put in words what exactly for you to do and you know her better than any of us,,

I guess what I can remember is that when my H would come home when we were seperated as hurt as I was,, I would put that all on the back burner and treat HIM like I would an old dear freind.. if he was my old dear freind,, I would not for instance argue with him,, or lecture him, or pressure him into doing things my way and most of all when you have an old friend over and they are your guest you are not watching TV worrying about the bills etc etc...

YOUR FULL ATTENTION IS ON THEM WITHOUT ANY EXPECATATION THAT THEY PLEASE YOU.

YOU CAN DO THIS AND YOUR HEART IS ON THE RIGHT PLACE..

BEST OF LUCK TO YOU WHEN SHE COMES OVER AND REMEMBER GOD IS SURELY BLESSING YOU BY SOFTENING HER HEART TO ALLOW HERSELF TO TRUST YOU TO COME OVER AND SHE WILL BE TREATED WELL.
DO NOT TALK ABUT THE RELATIONSHIP WHILE SHE IS THERE LIKE I SAID LISTEN AND THEN LISTEN TO HER SOMEMORE.... ~~~ ENJOY THIS BLESSING....
You can do this Honey ,, let me know how it goes..
God bless...