Well actually I mean a whole lot more than that. I mean that there is something that we fear right there in front of us. We'll do everything we can to go around it. But you just can't go around it or it's going to end up back in front of you again. Maybe not now but it will come back. It's a little different for all of us but the principle is the same.
There is an Inuit story called "Lady Death". You can find it on a tape called "How to love a woman" by estes-pinkola. It tells a story of a fisherman who snags this skeleton woman while fishing. He reels it up thinking this is the greatest fish ever (the early love experience) it will feed him for a very long time. But when he sees the skeleton it scares him and he rows away as fast as he can. Of course the skeleton is hooked to him and follows him all the way home.
He huddles scared in the corner until eventually he faces his fear and tries to warm lady death. Through his facing his fear (male strength) she is fleshed out. She turns into a beautiful woman and together they are fed well (satisfied)
He gives her heart drum BUMBUM she gives him understandings of the most complex rhythms and emotions imaginable
It's a beautiful story, listen to it if you get a chance.
One thing I found very remarkable is that both the inuit and aleut traditions have a lot of fables about the love relationship. I've lived among them and know how harsh their living conditions can be. Yet they are the most love centered culture I've seen. That, I think, is extremely remarkable and says something about this whole process. It also convinces me that adversity can certainly bring out some real strengths in people.
This is a growing time, you'll find it is very spiritual no matter what your belief system.
When I say
The only way through it is through it
I mean you are forced to grow, regardless of whether or not you want to. Might as well take advantage of it. You can't get around it.
I read somewhere that a remarkable change often occurs to people about six months after divorce. They grow. I believe that this change is suppossed to happen during marriage. But our society lets us out so easy now that the easy way out seems more appealing to many.
