Just getting started piecing it back

[jersting]

TL & X
I appreciate you jumping in and giving advice and support. I will re-read this several times. And I will back off of the ILYs until the time feels right. I think X must be right about the blood flow, I can't even make easy decisions right now and I have always been the one everyone at work here comes to for solutions. Lately every one here knows to give me time and not expect the quick witted decisions I usually come up with. I am struggling to say the least, but I know things will work out fine. I am anxious to see my wife today when she picks up son. I am going to be myself for a change today and not expect some end result of something I am trying to accomplish with her.

[SvenTheRed]

J,

There you go....

Slow down...breathe for a minute...

If you go to the dictionary and look up the word patience, that is where you can find a picture of Xue. He embodies it. Read his threads too. He is excellent at studying himself, applying action and studying reaction but knowing that it is going to be little by little. Small changes are changes.

I had a hard time giving up the ILY's at first, but it was way for the better. As we started to piece, I still didn't say it. My W and I started (jokingly) saying "I hate you" in the same tone of ILY, and it was pretty funny. Even now however, we don't say ILY too much - so as to not over use it and it seems much more powerful when we do.

So, back at it. Patience Jersting - marathon not a sprint - journey and not a destination.

Sven

[jersting]

journey and not a destination

Great logic in this sitch. I will keep that in mind to keep me on track.

[jersting]

My wife is back to not wearing her wedding rings. I rubbed her fingure and told her that I was trying really hard to change. She kissed me and told me she would see me later.

[toughlover]

Don't sweat the rings, bro. My W wore hers for three years and was screwing someone else the entire time. It just means your wife is less deceptive and she's sending you signals, trying to get a rise out of you. Blow it off and focus on the stuff GH said.

I've found that my own intelligence level feels like it's been at about half capacity for the last two years. It was literally a constant thing as if being in a fight or flight circumstance every minute of every day.

Ohh, man, been there!

[S_O_T_S]

Hi jersting. Quoting you in bold.

My wife is back to not wearing her wedding rings.

OK. Try to keep your expectations in check, and don't let this affect you one bit. Just remember that it is like a yo-yo, right. She's going to come in/pull back, come in/pull back.... She's pulling back now.

told her that I was trying really hard to change.

Well, the book says show don't tell... She'll have trouble believing your actions, let alone your promises...

Regarding my last post:

Your thread is showing up on my screen funny. It must be ~3-400 characters before the text wraps. Don't know why this is, but it's a little hard to read....

I don't think you necessarily did anything. But I notice the second page of the thread looks fine to me now.

but I would really, really like to have the sitch you have, as opposed to say, the one I currently have. I can certainly understand your frustration at your sitch, and wanting the uncertainty to end, but I can tell you that being in a state where it looks like the uncertainty is over doesn't feel too good either.

And your reply:

I have been following your sitch and I am sorry it is the way it is for you. I wish I could help, but I do pray for you when I am praying.

Sorry about this one. As I read it now, it comes across as a bit petulant on my part. What I was trying to get across is that in your situation you have a lot of positives, especially if you stop and connsider it from how it goes w/ others. That's why, although I can certainly sympathize w/ your frustrations, I don't really want you to feel like giving up. The fact that you're here means you care enough to try to save this.

And thanks for your prayers, and the sympathy for my events. Didn't want to make you feel bad/guilty, just trying to give you a different perspective.

Take care,

[jersting]

My question is... How does a WAW go from 2 weeks ago telling me she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me to being somewhat cold and not wear wedding rings now?

[jersting]

My question is... How does a WAW go from 2 weeks ago telling me she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me to being somewhat cold and not wear wedding rings now?

Did I jump into piecing it back together forum too soon?

[toughlover]

We like to think of these things as clear decisions. But even when we first meet someone, we take a long time of getting close, then keeping some distance, etc., over months and years before we get to where we can commit for life (and even then, well, we all know how THAT goes).

Like many things, important decisions are also a process, not an event.

[xuesheng]

Jersting

My question is... How does a WAW go from 2 weeks ago telling me she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me to being somewhat cold and not wear wedding rings now?

Don't try to figure her out. Gets you nowhere. I know, I spend way to much time trying to figure my W out myself and it has never resulted in anything positive. Figuring myself out, on the other hand, has resulted in tremendous positives.

Regardless of that FACT we all tend to still continue down the cheeseless tunnel of figuring the WAW out.

Work on yourself and work on your R (interactions, figure out interactions. If WAS does A which results in me doing B and that causes C and I don't like C then the only thing I can control is B. That's great because without B the interplay cannot play itself out. Just figure out what the variables are)

Easy sounding, hard to do. But it can be done.

BTW, a lot of people say how much patience I have, but the reality is I get in a real bummer mood every once in awhile too and want to give up. But soon realize that won't be a less painful path.

The only way through it is through it

Xue