Just getting started piecing it back

[toughlover]

I don't know if I should be closing my eyes about the OM conversations and just move foward with her hopeing this will go away or if I should stay seperated from her until the OM is completely out of the picture and I know it for sure.

That's a tough call and I'm sure GH can be more help on that cause that sounds like what I read he experienced/endured.

However, if you're currently separated now and you don't want to deal with that kind of stuff should you move back together, there are probably a lot of ways to handle that...this is probably what I would do if my W and I were in this sitch:

Set some boundaries for reconciling and tell her that I love her, want to reconcile, want to rebuild the marriage, but that I don't think that's really possible so long as someone else is in the picture, and while I'm willing to commit to this, it ought to be done in an honest, transparent, and constructive manner...no games, no adolescent silliness.

I mean, if you end up living together but she's still doing that kind of stuff, you'd have to recognize that all you can really do is work on you anyhow, take care of yourself and the kids as best you can, and pretty well detach from her until she's willing to come around and commit. While she's living at home she's in the best position to see positive changes in you and get a glimpse of what she could be having/getting reacquainted with.

And don't think that just because you ignore her behavior it doesn't have an effect. I don't think a person can live with her family and continue to lie and cheat without feeling the pressure, just naturally, from the situation they've put themself in. The key, I think, is to let her come to that conclusion on her own. Cause the facts are that she's an adult and will do what she wants whether you like it or not.