I agree with Saph. If you want to save your M, his interest in C is good. We dont know his motivations and I wont tell you for sure they are good, but if you can get him to see a solution oriented promarriage C, you have a chance no matter what his reasons are for going.
My H went to C because his OW wanted him to b/c they both felt really guilty and him "trying" with me made them feel better. Ironically her telling him to 'work it out with me' turned him on to her all the more for her 'nobility and great selfless love' He also wanted to plug me into C to help me through what he knew he was about to do.
Despite my H having some less than wonderful motives, I do also feel that he has some level of 'conflict' with his choices. He subsequently left me for her and stopped C, but I cant help but think that some of the changes that occurred between us at the time as well as some of the things the C said then may come back to my H at a later time when his A/MLC has played out some more. We will yet see.
Point being: You are not going to get guarantees and you must give up the hope for them and function in "the tension of relationship" for anything right now to work.
Even if your H has completely wrong motives for C, it can still do something in favor of your M.
If he has good motives...terrific, all the better.
Also: As impossible as it seems at this point, you need to stop needing him...it is the only healthy way to get him back and rebuild a solid marriage. You must be healthy inside and happy alone with yourself before you can really offer him anything. This is why it is OK for many of us when we either get the chance to rebuild or not...it takes a solid and healthy sense of self to do either and as much as I hate the process of suffering, it is the way to get there.
Try to focus on you Cry out to God, even if you do not know him, he knows you and is listening to all who sincerely cry out to him Release all expectations either way about your M and your H (C wont work on your end if you cannot do this) Take your eyes off of H, OW Calm down...this story will take some time to work through...stop being reactive
Decide if you want to pursue the marriage, but make this decision based on wisdom, discernment, etc...not reactively out of anger, fear, etc. If your M can ever work, it is better for your Ks.
Enough...if you need me, I am over in MLC..just post to one of my threads and I will find you. I dont visit here much...I only come to visit Saph's thread.
He also wanted to plug me into C to help me through what he knew he was about to do.
