Hello, I agree with the other posters. This situation has turned him into a completely different person. I am sure his is not acting like the person you married. It is normal to be angry, depressed, lose your self-esteem, etc. However, a year later is too much, to be reminding you everyday. I am only 4 months post my H's affair and I have moved into a phase where the crying and depression has stopped and my self esteem is returning. However, the angriness does return during arguments, by our arguments have moved from multiple times a day to 2-3 times per week.
I would say he needs anger management. He has been allow to sulk in his sorrow too long and it is tearing him down.
I would advise (I am not a professional), but sometimes temporary separation is adviseable. This will give him time to work on himself and see counseling by him and determine whether he really wants to and can give you another chance. It will also give you time to heal as well.
About the sex, it takes a big person to swallow their pride and return to sex with the unfaithful spouse after an A. When we first started up again, my H wasn't as loving and excited as before the A. But, I had to work to excite him, lose weight, etc. put some mystery back in the bedroom. At first, I felt, I shouldn't have to, but If I was going to win him back, I was going to pull out all the stops. And if I failed, I could at least say I tried. Some days, it is push-pull, and other days, we are both fighting to recreate the magic.
He has to want to try to save the relationship along with you in order for this work. All the DBing in the world, won't help if he is resistant and still blaming you.
Taking it Day by Day. There's gotta be a light at the end of this dark tunnel.
