Is there anyone from Connecticut here?? As much as reading the posts and talking with everyone is helpful, it would be nice to meet some people in the area with the same types of "issues".
This may not be the place to post this, however being in the sex starved area and trying to deal with it, I just thought I would ask the question. So, forgive me if this is not the place to post this.
Sorry - not from your area. Whether or not your W will participate I highlly reccommend finding a certified Marriage and Family therapist or sex therapist (AASECT) - both of these professional bodies should have a list for people in your area. Suport is good but it doesn't replace strategic help. Just make sure you interview the person thoroughly and make sure that their philsophy on marriage and their goals are in line with yours. If you don't click - see someone else!
We are seeing a certified Marriage and sex therapist. We both like her a lot. We have made progress with everything except having an intimate relationship.... I just can't get her to open up or even try. That's the hardest part....
J
Quote: Jay,
Sorry - not from your area. Whether or not your W will participate I highlly reccommend finding a certified Marriage and Family therapist or sex therapist (AASECT) - both of these professional bodies should have a list for people in your area. Suport is good but it doesn't replace strategic help. Just make sure you interview the person thoroughly and make sure that their philsophy on marriage and their goals are in line with yours. If you don't click - see someone else!
I also wanted to let everyone here know that the reason I had asking if anyone was from around here was because I know that sometimes groups do meet in person as well as online.
All I can find around here are people going through divorces and divorce people looking for other divorce people to date. Nothing like groups working on their relationships....
I don't think that anyone from this group has met in person. In general, we let a lot hang out on this forum and most try to keep any private email covos between persons of the same gender. The one or two people who have strayed from that seem to have developed some confused feelings. All of us here are trying to preserve our relationships and in the face of a so-so or nonexistent sex life it is tough going. However, if I ever went to a city where some of the ladies on this forum live I would have no problem meeting up with them. I think groups that are in the habit of meeting off-line might find that practice to have some unanticipated negative fall out. That said, you do need real, live support from somewhere. If you and your W attend Marriage Encounter or a Marriage Enrichment type program, a lot have groups that continue to meet afterward. Some of those programs have a religious overtone (Marriage Encounter) and others offer strictly secular.
hube, I think knowing you will never meet adds to the amount of things you, I, or anyone can feel comfortable discussing.
Sometimes in the past I have really gotten down and if a few women here on the forum lived across the street. I think I would have been in deep trouble.
The on-line friendship/help/support works very well.
There were some people that were e-mailing people on the forum that said too much in their e-mails. Some of those people don't post now because of various connotations and understandings with-in the e-mails.
We even have some forum posts that seem to say different things to different people, that border on a line between teasing and a suggestive intention.
If something is posted on the forum that is questionable, someone usually points it out. Everyone stays friends. That doesn't always happen with e-mails.
I agree with Lou that the distance and anonymity created by the board make it possible to share stuff you would never be able to say to someone in person.
Also, because it's written out, you can go back and see what you said and what someone else said. In a FTF group meeting you really don't have a record.
It's interesting to eavesdrop on others' convos here on the board, too. And to watch people sort stuff out, explain themselves, cite things they've read... very cool format, and this particular group of people is unique in my experience of internet boards. Far more intelligent, literate, well-read, insightful that I've seen anywhere else.
I think you both bring up very good points that I had not even thought of.
I know for myself, sometimes you feel like things are going well and other times you feel lost. It's when the lost feelings start up, I tend to get overwhelmed.
Lillieperl, I went to the book store yesterday and couldn't find it. Looks like I'm going to have to order it.
I know for myself, sometimes you feel like things are going well and other times you feel lost. hube01, my post might not help you much right now, but many of us feel that way at times.
One thing to remember is one day your thinking goes along the lines life sucks, not much changes and you see hope in little improvement. Some things aren't really improvements but maybe things we could be thankful for if we compared our situation to some one else's.
I look at my situation like I was a valve cap on a tire. With each rotation the cap moves up or down. At any given time, it could be up down or in one of many positions. The road the tire travels on influences how much the valve cap gets shaken. The elevation of the road determines how high or low the cap is in actual altitude.
Sometimes my valve cap is next to the road but the road is going up hill. Sometime my valve cap is at the top of the revolution on a level road. Sometime the road is going down hill.
What is important to remember, what ever direction you think your R is going, there will be up's and down's. This trip for many has not been linear or has it been at a constant velocity.
Some days a good deed will get you in the dumps and other days things just click and mini-miracles happen. Just ask Lil.
Another couple here, the NOP's were not making progress for a long time from what I have read. Then in a short time there were some big changes for the good.
