New to this forum

[123snap]

So I am feeling better, H is sick again, he has been battling colds for a month now, not helping his attitude very much. I had a session yesterday and we talked about what is going on, and after sitting and talking to the counselor, I feel like there has been some progress, she reminded me that this is going to take time, I know but hearing it over and over helps. We have a joint session tomorrow night, I get nervous before them, not really sure why, just do, I guess because it is hard. We seem to be jelling a bit better, I made a joke today and he initially started to get defensive, and then I reminded him I was joking and then he seemed to lighten up, hope he really did and wasn't just saying it.

I think things would be a bit better if he could get healthy, hopefully he will get some decent sleep and so forth.

I am trying hard to be supportive, he is talking a lot about stuff he wants to do, and it doesn't all include me, and I am trying to be encouraging and not hurt that I am not included. I think I have this overdeveloped need for togetherness, why should he not do stuff alone, in my mind I know it is good for him, I just have a weirdness about it. I need to get over that, for real, not just tolerate it.

I am continually amazed that it is almost more work to put it back together than it was to try and get over it.

There is a big part of me that is so impatient, I want the movie ending right now, I want hugs, kisses, ILYs, hand holding and more right now, I am tired of waiting. But I want the relationship too, in my mind I know it takes time, in my heart I ache for the affections that are missing.