it is a busy week this week. I will be working a lot more than usual, and as a result not see H very much. I amd trying hard to hang on to the positive feelings I have been nurturing, it comes and goes. When it is there I feel good and hopeful, when it is not I am scared.
the post about forgiving and letting go under the pick me up section was great. It is really true, letting go of past hurts is so difficult. I brace myself for it again, I have to remember that I made it through, I could be okay, and therefore there is nothing to fear. Does that make sense. I also need to feel okay about having hopes and dreams, it feels like so many of them died with the turmoil, I am reluctant to make plans, and it seems like H is a bit that way too, although he talks about it, he doesn't say yeah we should do that, he says yeah that might be nice.
One of our issues is me taking might as a yes and making plans, when he really was on the might page, so we need to communicate expectations better in that regard.
Last night I told him I was glad he found a place he felt comfortable, and that I was sorry I made him feel like he couldn't have privacy in that regard. I didn't make it a long drawn out conversation, just said that and went up to bed.
gotta go dig up some more pma
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08