hey there, I know it's hard to know he turns elsewhere for support, but it is a huge things he is actually looking for support to begin with. Because of what has happen, regardless who did what to whom, he just doesnt' feel safe yet with you, there is too much pain in his heart still.
He's been on his own and he feels like he will loose his privacy w/you, my H was the same, I'd get the same thing, it enerve me because I have no secrets for him. You need to let him have his time alone, in the long run when he feels safe w/you he'll open up and you won't feel affronted by his desire to have privacy. I know in the first months I just wanted to know all his business, would check his phone, wallet, pockets, etc, just to know what was going on w/him because he was always quiet w/me. My H is much closer to me now and dont' really care to check on him anymore, I dont' "need" to know all his details. We are a couple, but we have to maintain our individuality, this was hard for me to understand.
If this is the best he can do, find an alternate support group --even if it is one you dont know of--let him, support his choices. Remember the big A's:
Acceptance Aproval Affection
Smile to him, you being gloomy around him doesn't let him know you are sad about how the situation between you, it makes him think how you don't approve of him and how he isnt' doing things right. I know you crave for affection, it will come, my H is so much sweet to me know I can't believe it, give him time to hear his wounds ok?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
