had a long discussion last night about jealously and privacy, he told me he joined an online community, not this one, for support. I was jealous and trying not to feel like I would lose him. then last night he was online answering an email, and it bugged me, I don't know why, I guess it hurts that he feels the need to talk to someone else. Yet I talk to other people, why do I feel it is okay for me and not for him. I guess it boils down to the same old thing, I don't think I am valuable enought to compete with anyone so any competition, even if it is platonic and totally innocent, I just assume I will come out on the losing end. He said it was a boundary for him, he needed to be able to have private conversations and so forth. How do I feel better about this stuff. In my mind I want to lost this jealousy, but my heart is really giving me trouble with it.
Today I feel sad as a result. I don't feel very close to him today and that hurts on a special day more than usual. I did get a hug, that I didn't have to ask for, so I guess that is good.
Baby steps, I need to refocus on baby steps and accept that this is really going to take a long time, it is just way harder than I thought it would be.
Me 41 H 42 DD 11 DS 8 M 18 bomb 8/3/06 separating 9/18/08
