Quote: Tonight I tried to explain the correlation between his parents and him and it did not work. Maybe someday he will see it. I can only hope...
The correlation is irrelevant. STOP trying to EXPLAIN things to him. Stop thinking you are the one who is right because he's in MLC. So his parents raised five dysfunctional kids. So they weren't great parents...SO WHAT. The ONLY person who is 100% responsible for your husband's behaviour is your husband [I don't like the term ex...I know you are divorced]...and please don't now come and try to 'explain' to me how they are responsible. Your husband is a big boy now. MLCers use many things to excuse their behaviour...stop doing it for him. And stop bad mouthing his parents...it's mean, rude and inappropriate--whether they are good parents or not...first others may disagree with you and second...they are his parents, his blood, and he love them. The result of your actions is only making YOU look bad.
Quote: He doesn't like me I can sense it
It doesn't take excellent sensory skills to figure that a person whose wife:
Quote: was so mad that I telephoned him. We got in to it, fighting and he hung up I continued to beep him and left a very very mean message on his girlfriends phone as well at his office. I told him that I wasn't done with him and that I would fight this battle to the end. That I loathed his parents to the fullest...
You beeped him incessantly AND called his girlfiend...OMG! And later you reference that you reamed him out. I bet the girlfriend feels pretty safe...cause it sounds like your playing the psycho script--sorry. I'm really not trying to be mean, but I want you to look at your behaviour and understand how it looks to others. A man in MLC has two women...a wife and an OW. There is a script for each person. The female scripts don't say wife or OW...just Psycho-Bitch and Understander/Strength or something like that. Either woman can pick up either script. But the show never ends with MLCer and Psycho-Bitch together. You can switch scripts in the middle...I suggest you do that.
I don't know if he was in MLC or not. If he was then NO, you do not need to know whether he is STILL in...why do I say that. Because I get the idea that you are a control person and will use that. But, if he was in MLC then he hasn't been in it long enough to be out.
Quote: He might be in the tunnels dealing with the issues but I doubt it because he said that he did not see it ( the correlation between him and his awful parents.)
You've got it backwards. If he's in the tunnel, of course he won't see a correlation...now release the hope that he sees it when out too, cause it doesn't matter. He needs to take responsibility rather than place blame.
I can't tell where he is at because this post was not about him...it was about you. I don't know anything about how he is reacting...other than how any sane person might react to your behaviour...and you might then interpret his reaction without considering how inappropriate you are being. People get angry...I would've if you'd called me, reamed me out, beeped me over and over and said you were going after my Mom. You behaviour is frightening him...and me...honeslty I might have called the police after your actions...and at the very least filed a report in case something happened. To him you are an excellent example of Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Who wouldn't be angry...the emotion doesn't mean he's in the MLC phase.
Now as for his motivation regarding how he was going to pay you the alimony...perhaps he was trying to work something out as an exception and was being genuine. Your information wasn't detailed enough to rule that out. And if he did respond enagrily...it was in response to your anger and thus still doesn't rule out an appropriate motivation.
But he also may have been baiting you. If that's the case you have just proven yourself a fish. Bating is a test to which the MLCer is attempting to incite your anger...to pass you are to remain calm but firm. First...when he proposes how he wants to pay...LISTEN...maybe he has a legitimate concern are set back. But when he tells you how he is going to pay...assuming this is different from the court mandation...tell him. I'm sorry, but the court has already spoken on this issue; if you want to alter the method you need to speak with your lawyer and go through the courts again. Say it nicely...not threateningly. telling him " I wasn't done with him and that I would fight this battle to the end..." comes off as a threat.
What do you need to do? Well you say you can forgive him. First you need to release the anger...cause you are the one in the Anger phase. Forgiveness comes with the release of anger...and for the record, it is not something one earns. Forgiveness is free like Agape. Does that mean you want him back or not...I can't tell.
But forgive him by working on your self. Karate is an excellent thing. This can help you focus on yourself and simply focus. Find that place of peace where you are happy with yourself. Find you inner strength and get rid of those gills unles you want to keep eating his worms.
I don't know where he is in the tunnel. I don't know if he was ever in the tunnel. It is time for you to look at yourself and make changes. None of us have been perfect in our marriages...you have set yourself up as the martyr:
Quote: I bought more than 3/4 of the furniture and accesorries for this house. I worked all the time that we were married, took care of three children, house and yard. Just me day in and day out. I never had honey do's. I always cooked from scatch. We ate out later in the kids lives because they were sometimes not here. But I truly did all except the monthly bills and even that he wanted me to do. I never said that he couldn't play sports. He is very much the atheltic and played softball all summer two nights a week and every weekend for 15 years then he took up golf. I never bithced about the golf but did about the softball because it really took him away from the "family". But that was hopeless he never stopped.
This was a great list of how you did everything...the long suffering wife. And you didn't complain...Oh, except about softball...and then you make an excuse for that. Maybe you need to look at why he did those things...escape from a long suffering spouse???
I don't know...haven't talked to him. But you do need to accept your jounrey now. Look in the mirror and start working on yourself. Switch scripts with the OW...that doesn't mean he and you will ride off int he sunset together...but it doesn't mean you won't if you decide you want that.
Please keep posting. I'm not trying to be mean or rude here. I'm worried about you. Anger is not healthy. But this is not all about him...a marriage takes two.
